Girl meets her Mentor
by perFANfection
Summary: After becoming a teen mother herself, Maya finds that it is becoming even harder to be the first Hart to attend college, and also maintain a relationship with her friends, even Riley. But through a mentoring program set-up by their school principal, Maya meets Lacy, another teen mom to be, forming an unlikely friendship of two teen moms who desperately needed each other.
1. Chapter 1

**Maya's POV**

 _January 24:_

 _I've never considered my eight month old daughter Lettie a mistake, an unexpected blessing, rather and so have the Matthews when they took me in. I've realized that there are no coincidences; It's God's way of bringing you to the right person or using you to be the light in someone else's life, and I'm glad to see he chose Lacy to be in mine. Now to me it's clear, if you trust in him, and live by faith he'll guide your paths and eventually you'll cross over with someone else's. Spiritually, I've grown from the bad choices I've made._

 _It has seemed that since giving birth to Lettie, graduation was even further out of reach and the goal of being the first Hart to go to college was even farther. The finish line had been moved from right beneath my feet to a nearly impossible frozen tundra to cross, barefoot and compassless. Until I wound up meeting someone who needed me as badly as I needed them._

 _There was comfort in finding someone that you can compare stories with, because even if this world only had one Riley and Maya, I knew I needed to step it up and be that someone because Riley wasn't a mother after all, and there was only so much advice she and her family could help a teen mother with. Now every friendship has some unique beginning, but meeting Lacy was something I didn't know I so desperately needed._

" _In every good book you turn the page, and there's another chapter…" -Mrs. Matthews._

 _Yours Truly,_

 _The rebellious, (but now semi-softened) Maya Hart Hunter._

Closing my journal and leaning back against the bay window, I feel the heat of the setting sun on my back, melting the goosebumps away as my thoughts shift to Lacy, wondering how it could be possible for girls like us to wind up in these situations.

' _Oh yeah, Principal Larue'_ I remembered, slightly smiling back to the day nearly two months ago when Lacy and I had met in his office, thus beginning this unlikely friendship between mentor and mentoree. And I'm sure you're wondering how a girl like me, troubled on my own, would wind up be the best choice to mentor someone, other than the fact that we were the only teen moms in this school.

Remember when Mr. Matthews had a lecture on a 'sweet sixteen' and we all realized that we weren't as eager as we thought we were to grow up? Boy am I glad to have had him in my life, teaching us lessons we can't find in textbooks or other classes. We learn from history's mistakes, every battle has a spark that lights it off, and a moral of the story, like conflicts can escalate. For me, my "Sweet Sixteen" wasn't so sweet, and as history dictates, it's bound to repeat itself if you can't learn from other's past mistakes.

"What'cha thinkin' about Maya?" Riley asks as she enters the room and sits beside me, handing me my daughter who had clearly just woken up.

"Riles? Did you wake her up again?" I smirk, slightly irritated that this wouldn't be the first time she was anxious to want to hold and play with the bubbly baby.

Lettie looks up and smiles at me, bringing relief to my heavy heart, breaking over the past few days as she cried in pain over the tooth cutting its way through her tender gums. Her blue eyes were a ornery grey, and her bubbly smile faded into an uncomfortable frown of discomfort. Her light and tangly curls gathered in a small pony on top of her sandy blonde, almost brown hair, was snarly and matted from sleep.

"Riles, do you ever feel overwhelmed by the things I share with you?"

"No! Of course not Maya! You're my best friend and anything you need to get off your chest my ears are open to hear. It's better to hear that you're feeling down and get you help than find out that you're hurt."

Oh yeah, and postpartum depression was pretty intense, especially for someone struggling with school, bullying, and my own living conditions after mom insisted that I was destined for my boyfriend to leave me just as my dad did, and that I needed to make grown up decisions and get a fresh start. Shawn insisted that mom was over-reacting, however, he did agree that perhaps keeping the baby could be stressful on all of us in our apartment. In my life I had never been so hurt and sought adoption agencies immediately, referring to the sites the Matthews had recommended me the day I had confessed the news to them after making Riley hold keep it a secret for a month. But that's a story for later.

Monday morning I met with Lacy in the counseling office during both our study halls, in which Principal Larue had set up in my schedule the day he had introduced us both. "Letter of recommendation to the college of your choice" was all I needed to hear before considering taking on this responsibility. Now it's much more than a mentoring and more of a friendship.

"Hey Maya," I hear a small voice exclaim from behind the doorway. Lacy slowly creeks in open and looks behind her, as if someone was watching us.

She leans back and squats to support the weight of her five month pregnancy into the small framed cushion chair, tucking her right leg under her left and smiling at me nervously as if this was the first time and she had no idea what to say. She struggled with Social Anxiety, so the fact that she had become pregnant made it even harder on her to reach out and make friends.

"Hey Lacy, what's new?" I greet her without forcing a smile, trying to cover the fact that I was up all night, but nonetheless happy to be there with her.

Lettie looks up and crunches her eyebrows curiously towards Lacy's cartilage piercing, then gurgling as she stares wide eyed at Lacy's enlarged stomach.

"Well I'm supposed to find out the gender of my baby, but I'm gonna have to cancel again."

"I thought you didn't want to find out because you said it wouldn't change how you felt about the adoption."

Lacy shifted uncomfortably in her seat, picking at her pink nail polish on her cracked nails, clearly long and gritted on the tips from not being clipped, but rather being chewed on. It became obvious after a long silence that Lacy had not wanted to discuss the adoption.

"Where are your parents going to be?" I finally break the ice.

"Why do I care? If I had to beg them to stay and they had to think about it for a month, then them coming and going shouldn't affect me."

Oh yeah. And Lacy's "Parents" are a neglectful fostering couple of casino addicts, using the money they get from the state doing foster care to buy lottery tickets and staying overnight in a casino rather than caring for their own foster children, Lacy, Amelia, and Ellie, who all happened to be sisters.

They had threatened Lacy before she was pregnant that if she thought of leaving before she was eighteen, that they would suspend her sisters from their care. And honestly at their ages, it was harder to find a home. When she became pregnant they sought to kick her out, until they realized the benefits they would receive from another child in the home. Another reason Lacy doesn't want to keep the baby.

"Lacy, I know your situation isn't ideal. But you love your sisters so much you're putting up with it until you can find a way to leave. And I'm thinking your social worker will help you if you just ask. And even if you're under their roof, they have no legal obligation over you, so your social worker can be the one to help with all the adoption stuff. They can't force you to do anything you don't want to."

When I first met Lacy just two months ago, you wouldn't have recognized the same girl. She would have been afraid to tell me what she was thinking, or object to what I've said, or even voice her own opinions. I'm not taking credit for this accomplishment, but I'm happy to see as she grows, that she becomes more confident and less afraid. This isn't about me, but helping another girl with similar issues, to see her reach her potential and hope for a wonderful future.

"Our social worker is trying her best, but it's not easy placing three girls, one which is pregnant; Without a father. How would that sound to you as a potential parent?"

"Lacy, we can't change the future, but we can choose how we will react to it. And fear is only gonna hold you back from doing the things you want and keep you second guessing yourself. You seem to know that adoption is what you want, and shouldn't be persuaded otherwise. You're the most selfless person I know, and I'm going to be here every step of the way to support you."

"What about after the baby?"

"Even then. Because I see you more than the girl I've been assigned to mentor. You're someone who I know has so much going for her, someone I'm excited to see grow and what you'll become. As your friend, I look forward to seeing you find your full potential."

She offers a sheepish smile, clearly not used to hearing the kind of encouragement that Mr. Matthews used to build me up with. And truthfully, it's all I care about is seeing her succeed. And I totally respect her decision to hold out with the adoption because it's the kind of person she is. Someone who puts others first and knows that even though she would love on this baby, it wasn't enough or even fair for the baby to grow up the same way she had. She wanted better for her child and I loved that about her.

"Maya," She whispers, "How much does labor hurt?"

"Let's put it this way: You're gonna forget the kid's name before you forget the pain of labor." I chuckle, trying to ease the tension she was clearly full of. At the sound of me laughing, Lettie echos, giggling from her place under the chair.

"That's what I was afraid of. But I've got a nice staff of doctors and my social worker and psychologist will be there to help with the adoption and emotional support."

"What about during the labor?"

"Oh," She pauses. "I guess I'm just assuming they were going to be there too. But it really isn't their job, is it?"

Taking a deep breath, I bite my lip, realizing that pre-mom me would never have wanted to be in the room during delivery, just as Riley's support during labor, but now nothing phases me, other than hoping for things. I'm a lot more hopeful than I used to be.

"Lacy, if it's okay...And it's totally okay if it's not or you're uncomfortable, but if I could be your support during labor and delivery?"

Her seemingly permanent frown seems to dissolve as her eyes light up and her rosy cheeks form a smile, not directly at me, but I know she's grateful.

"Of course! It'd be great." She answers with a heart of gratitude.

 ***Two years before***

Maya's period was nine days late, and she had felt more exhausted than she ever had before. Her mom worked a double shift and wasn't expected home until later that morning, nearing twelve hours of continuous working, and she was to be cranky and tired for sure.

She knew she had time to kill, and she shakily unwrapped the cheap dollar store pregnancy kit, setting the dropper and the small rectangular test on the counter, then proceeded to pee into a foam cup. After just thirty seconds she dropped it on the test, and left the bathroom, heading for the Matthews', not caring what result was on it, as long as the Matthews were there with her when she explained what she had done.

"What'sup losers?" She greets them, slightly less enthusiastically than usual.

Riley looks up with a mouth full of oatmeal while Auggie sleeps in his, dragging through the start of his morning after staying up until midnight watching baseball with Cory. Maya sits herself besides Riley on the bench, reaching for a spoon as Topanga sets a bowl in front of her. She knew that if she protested, Topanga would only hold her ground and make her eat at least a bite, but today, she couldn't even imagine putting an oat on her tongue without throwing up. It would be a dead giveaway, unless of course, they wouldn't and won't ever expect that kind of news. Perhaps they'd assume it's the stomach flu. She had yet to experience vomiting due to morning sickness, but she did feel slight nausea and distaste towards eating lately. She was used to feeling sick from not eating enough, but not from turning down food when she needed it more than ever.

"Maya?" She hears a voice calling her back from her thoughts.

Topanga hovers over the girl who finds herself suddenly alone at the table. Topanga then slides along side the bench, scooting next to her and feeling her forehead before sweeping her hair from her face.

"Maya, honey? Do you have something you want to talk about?" She infers, catching Maya off guard and causing her to feel suddenly anxious.

Maya didn't know whether she had received a positive result or not, but she felt tears sting the back of her eyes as fear raced through her mind and body, and she realized then she couldn't have picked someone better to be with at the moment. Topanga didn't ask her to tell her anything, just made sure that she knew that she was there to talk anytime when she was ready.

"Mrs. Matthews, I'm not ready to grow up. And you know everything Mr. Matthews said last week about growing up and our sweet sixteen and how we need to plan for our future? It's like the plans I've had and worked for, the hope I've had, it's slipped through my fingers. I've messed up."

She leans to her left, resting on Topanga's shoulder as the young woman without a second thought holds Maya as her own. She didn't care how much Maya felt like she had messed, they were family, and family doesn't leave, and isn't defined by blood, but rather the people you want in your life.

"You are no match for God's plans, Maya. As humans we want control of everything, but in reality we can't have it. So don't lose hope over one mistake, because God knows what he's doing and there's nothing he won't forgive you for."

"This is ironic coming from the biggest control freak there is." Maya lets out a small, lighthearted, laugh.

Topanga smiles before letting Maya go, grabbing Maya's hands in hers and looking her firmly in the eyes.

"Tell me what's been weighing you down, my sweet girl." Topanga coaxes.

Maya picks at the nail polish on her left hand, flicking the flakes on the wooden floor as she scrapes them off. She temporarily ignores Topanga, until a sudden clear of her throat startles her.

"Mrs. Matthews? No matter how bad I mess up…" She begins.

"We will always love you." Topanga finishes. "Now what is it Maya?" She encourages.

"I'm preg...nant. Possibly." She chokes out, feeling her face flush as her mouth goes dry.

"What's that you say now?" Topanga exclaims, surprised at first, then a second time for reassurance. "Is that even possible?"

Maya second guesses herself, unsure whether or not to respond again, because she wasn't sure if it was rhetorical or if Topanga had not actually heard her. It was then that Cory walked in, Riley and Auggie following closely behind their father's briefcase.

"It seems that not all my tater tots are in a row and ready to board the 'Cory express'." He smirks, and Maya finds herself unable to even jokingly roll her eyes at him.

"Cory," Topanga senses Maya's seriousness and discomfort, "I'll send her on her way in a few minutes." She narrows her eyes, hinting that they wanted to be alone.

"Peaches?" Riley worries, wondering what could possibly be so bad that Maya had gone directly to Topanga first.

Topanga shoos Riley, first kissing her on the head then assuring her that everything would be fine, and that if Maya had wanted her to know, that she would tell her eventually. The best thing Riley could do as a friend was be there, even if she didn't know the whole story.

"What do I do first Mrs. M?" Maya eventually whispers.

"Like it or not, you have some growing up to do, faster than most teens."

"I'm scared. It's one thing to take care of myself for years, but another human being?"

"Maya, have you considered adoption?"

"Well," Maya reconsiders, then answers sheepishly, "I've been thinking and if I'm pregnant, I thought I would keep him or her, because I could never consider killing my baby, but it also just feels like what I'm expected to do: Be the second generation single mother in my family."

Topanga smiles reassuringly, then puts her hand under Maya's chin, lifting Maya's eyes to meet her own.

"If I've learned anything from my husband, it's that history is bound to repeat itself if we don't learn from our mistakes. However, you can't change what's been done, you can only learn from it. The rest is up to you and how you react to it. Make a decision wisely, because it's not just your future anymore, but the baby's as well."

"You're not mad at me? How are you taking this so well?" Maya replies with a grateful heart, surprised despite knowing them forever.

"Of course not! We couldn't learn anything if we didn't screw up first. I'm very disappointed, however. And I hope you're prepared for lessons even we can't teach you, and all the responsibility. You do realize going to school isn't going to be easy, and others aren't surely going to be kind either?"

Maya feels tears rolls down her eyes, wiping her sleeve across her face before weakly smiling, realizing both the blessing of having the Matthews in her life, and this new unexpected blessing. She knew at the time if she was pregnant (Which she would find out later that night), that even though life was uncertain, she was certain she was going to do what she found was best for the baby: Adoption.

"What do I do now?" Maya's voice wavers unsurely.

"The responsible thing. And I think we both know this won't go away, so you need to talk to your mother."

"Mrs. Matthews… Must I?" She groans.

Topanga nods then looks over to the clock, realizing that it was quarter after eight. Maya was already half an hour late to school, and Topanga was on the verge of being late to work. So the girls climbed on the subway and went their separate ways for the day, Maya more anxious than the two of them combined any other day. She knew telling her mother was inevitable, and getting through the day was going to be hard.

"Maya, you're late." Riley whispers with warning in her voice, but Cory was turned around writing something on the whiteboard, so he didn't notice when she slipped into her desk.

"You're mom really likes to talk. So- what lesson could your father possibly have for us today?" She dances her way around Riley's suspicious, reverting her attention back to her father.

"Nice of you to join us, Ms. Hart. I suppose better late than never." Cory jokes, and the irony of it strikes Maya.

Maya didn't have time to respond or even read the board when a wave of nausea hit and she felt her heart race. The anxiety of keeping the secret from her best friend and mother made her thoughts spin and she felt as her life had spiraled from the firm grasp she had on it.

"Uh- Mr. Matthews?" Maya lightly waves her hand before standing, not even waiting before sliding out the door, and bolting as fast as her little legs would take her toward the girls' bathrooms.

Riley follows without a second thought, only to find her friend vomiting into the trashcan beside the sink. She instinctively gathers Maya's hair with one hand, while rubbing her back with the other. She was upset to see her friend so sick, but had kindling suspicions that this wasn't just another sickness. Maya had been acting weird for weeks, and she was behaving in a way that Maya wouldn't. Turning down food, behaving all over the place again, and strangely Riley, whose period started yesterday, had opened her cabinet to find that Maya had left a full box.

"Maya, what's going on? This isn't you." She deduced after Maya had finally looked up.

"Riles, I love you. But I'm pretty sure even you couldn't love me after what I did." Maya snapped, and immediately she knew she was wrong when Riley had wrapped her in a hug without a word, as if it wasn't even a question.

"Peaches, there's nothing you could do or say to make me love you any less than I do already. We're only human, and if I expected you to be perfect then we'd never be able to stay friends. We're made to be best friends and nothing will ever make me stop believing this."

Maya began crying as everything she felt and had held in, all the suspicions and confused feelings, began to unravel and spill from her mouth, talking as if it was the lever to lift these worries and burdens, anchored to her body, up and off of her chest.

"And one more thing, but I need you not to freak out, especially since it kinda indirectly concerns you." Maya hesitantly warns her.

"Nothing, Maya. Nothing you can say or have already said can make me think less of you."

"If I am pregnant, then Lucas would be the father." Maya informs her shamefully.

 **Riley's POV**

Maya left me in charge of watching Lettie while she went to hang out with Lacy after school. My mom was inevitably at work, and my father had conferences, so Lucas and I took Lettie for a stroll through central park, which at the time, seemed like a decent idea. However, with every ounce of her personality resembling Maya so far, Lettie has been a handful these past few weeks.

"Miss Lettie Lou!" Lucas coos as he meets up with us on one of the benches closest to the water fountain.

Lettie lets out a small giggle, reaching her arms out for him to pick her up. He lifts her from the stroller, spinning her in a circle before pulling her into a gentle hug, dancing with his daughter side to side as he held her. It recently seemed that the more Maya was gone, the closer she grew with her daddy and I. That was until it didn't seem so anymore, that it became true.

"Mama?" Lettie asks, searching around for Maya as if she'd reappear just by the sound of her name.

A small blonde woman with a son on her hip that didn't look much older than Lettie smiled at Lettie and her face lit up. It was the one characteristic that Lettie had from Lucas, interesting herself into other people rather than pretend interest or normal fear of others that most eight month old children had.

"What a cutie!" The woman smiled as her son reached out for Lettie's hand from pure curiosity. "How old is she?"

"She's eight months old." I respond, looking to Lucas as if I needed his reassurance.

"How sweet! This is my favorite age because they're just so curious to everything around them, and it's just so much fun to go on walks with this little guy." The woman smiles at her son, then looks to Lettie, changing her voice to talk in a soft, baby voice.

"With a smile like that, Carter and I just had to come to say 'hello'." She then turns to me and Lucas. "Nice to meet you!I hope you three enjoy your nice family walk." She adds before turning around and continuing down the path.

How was that possible yet so expected? Is it weird for an ex-girlfriend to watch her best friend's daughter with her ex who also happens to be her best friend's baby daddy? No, and it happened all the time to us both. It's almost like a cliche you see in movies and tv shows, where you're put into awkward situations you could inevitably avoid. However, Lucas and I know that there's hope for the future, and though we aren't together, we remain friends with a friendship that others may say would be impossible to maintain.

"Ooh, Lettie Louise! You're diaper stinks!" Lucas exclaims in a baby voice just as Maya does, the same way he would talk to an animal.

Lucas and I set Lettie on the bench, lying down on her back. She kicks and coos while we wrestle to change her, clean her, and clip the diaper strips back to the velcro after slipping the new one beneath her body.

"Riles, your getting good at this! You didn't throw-up this time, even though she's pooping more solid now." He congratulates me with his infectious smile.

"Maya has been leaving me with her a lot lately. She seems to be caught up in whatever it is she is talking about with Lacy. And she seems really stressed out when she comes home." I inform him, my heart sinking at the thought that we hadn't really had any 'girl time', in the last few months.

"Riley? Are you feeling a bit, I don't know? Abandoned? Because knowing Maya, she would not let her friendship fall through the cracks for someone else. She trusts you and you guys have built a friendship that will last forever?"

"Yeah, but what if forever isn't really forever?"

"Remember when we were together? You said you were hopeful for us, but you also knew you and Maya would be forever because you'd do anything for each other. You watching Maya's baby for her is allowing her to still feel like a teenager sometimes. And Maya's whole life felt she's had to grow up too fast." He reminds me, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder while balancing Lettie against his muscular chest, bouncing her on his knee.

He was right, but I could never tell Maya how I felt a sense of separation. Her whole life she has been forced to grow up quickly, and watching Lettie was the least I could do while she helped her friend. She for once felt like someone could better understand her, and what kind of friend would I be to take that from her. I'm no teen mom, and I certainly couldn't give any advice. And Maya and Lacy hang out more than just Mondays. Before the baby comes Maya and I want to take her out to enjoy life, just like Maya and I did pre-Lettie.

 **Maya's POV**

"It says here that, and I quote, "Labor feels like someone is reaching up to grab all my insides at once, then proceeding to pull and tear them out." And this one from 'Kate's mommy' says..."

Lacy's eyebrows scrunch and her smile twists into a grimace as she quickly realizes that sometimes ignorance is bliss, and quickly snapping my laptop shut. She had come in the office all in a hussy about labor after watching "Knocked up", for the first time with her sisters. After trying to reassure her that Hollywood Magic", was created to keep the birth scene both dramatic and gripping for exaggerated entertainment, we decided that if we were better informed, that it would ease her fears. But boy was I wrong when I came to the realization that everyone's birth would feel differently.

"Okay, so maybe you could sugar coat how it felt to have Lettie?" Lacy asks, and I smile, knowing that she would feel hundred times worse if I sugar-coated how it felt to have her, rather than telling her the truth.

"What and HOW much do you want to know?" I ask, exaggerating the 'how', as a hint to be careful for what she wished to hear.

"I just want to know what to expect. I know that the pain is different for everyone but knowing how it works and what my body is going through will make it less scary."

"Sometimes being left in the dark is a good thing." I inform her and she jokingly rolls her eyes at me, pushing to know more.

"Your body was engineered to be a mom and It's like a super mom gene or something God created in you. There's this story I know: My great, great, great, great times however many more "greats" grandmother's sister gave birth to her baby by the side of a stream one day, while washing the family's clothing. She knelt down and squatted, catching the baby in her bare hands."

Lacy's eyes become the size of saucers, fully engrossed into my tall tale of a story, entirely exaggerated, maybe one percent true. She anticipated the next part, waiting for me to continue.

"And do you know who that baby grew up to be?" I ask, watching as she leans closer as if it was a huge secret. "Laura Ingalls." I add, secretly laughing to myself.

"Really?" She echos in amazement.

"No!" I chuckle as jokingly pushing her.

"My point is, your body already knows what to do. You could have this baby while driving in a car, squatting in a river, or in a bathtub, and naturally you need to trust yourself and body. Trust me, you won't find a time in that room when you aren't scared, but you'll feel a sense of achievement when this baby comes into the world and you realize what your body has been able to do."

I set my hand on her thigh in a comforting manner, smiling into her brown eyes reassuringly to prove that I was here to listen and help her, that I was her friend. Her shoulders relaxed as the tension left her body, even though she still looked slightly uneasy, and unassured.

"Thanks Maya. You know- for being here even though you were assigned to be." She smiles sheepishly.

"What? Lacy, you and I both know that's not true. We're friends because God saw us compatible for each other. He knew we needed each other. If I didn't care, do you really think I'd offer to spend time with you other than the time we have here. If I didn't care, I wouldn't try to be your friend. Okay?"

Lacy nervously tugs at her cartilage piercing, contemplating whether or not she should believe me and drop it, or push on. But knowing her she would drop it because the little piece of her that still had social anxiety hated pushing because she was worried what I would think.

"Do you wanna spend the night? And if you really wanna know what motherhood is like, you can take care of Lettie of the night."

Lacy laughs, rolling her eyes at me before agreeing.

"Sure. But we both know you're just looking for some to babysit Lettie." She jokes.

It was partially true: I had been wanting to find time to hang out with Riley more since the day I went into labor with Lettie in the middle of us hanging out, and this was a "Win-win" for the both of us. She would learn the logistics of childcare, and I would finally get time to spend with Riley. Maybe she would feel more sound about the adoption if she realized how difficult children were.

"Okay, come over around six on Friday night."

 ***Eight months before Lettie***

Maya had difficulty stomaching what she had received, knowing that her life had forever been changed, quicker than she could grasp any understanding of. She was scared mindless, and after hearing her baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound, her heart sunk even deeper knowing there was no going back. This was her life now, whether she wanted to grow up or not. Fortunately, adoption was an option, and with her lawyer skills, Topanga could help find the child a home. What most difficult problem yet was only to tell her mother, and she couldn't even begin to imagine and rehearse the conversation they'd have. But first, she'd have to remember her own reaction to the test, in order to prepare for her mother's that would be way worse.

The night she got home from school, she had felt sick to her stomach with worry bubbling up from inside, thinking non-stop all day about the test that would wait for her on the bathroom counter when she got home. She read on the box that reading the test ten minutes after taking may not mean it was accurate, so whatever it said, she knew after a full day there was no way it could be correct, and that calmed her anxiety a little.

She picked it up and saw a faded plus, and was unsure if it was the evaporation line the test had mentioned, or was an actual positive. But chucking it into the trash, she figured that if it was a positive the line would be darker. Or would it be the other way around if she was barely overdue for her period? No matter what happened, it would be okay, because she knew there was nothing she could do to turn the Matthews from her, even if her own mom refused her. So she picked up her cell phone, praying he would pick up.

" _Hello?"_ She heard Cory answer from the other end, clearly confused why Maya would be calling his classroom , she had hoped that Cory would still be there to pick up.

"Mr. Matthews? It's Maya." She fearfully replies.

She was hoping the awkwardness would surpass soon, as she realized it was Mr. Matthews after all, and he did have Riley and Auggie, so he was experienced in this kind of conversation, right? She fearfully scraped her fingernails up and down her jeans, waiting in hopes that he would start the conversation.

" _Maya? Do you miss me already? It's only an hour after school ended."_ He jokes, but it's clear he was just as confused as she was to why she would try his class phone first.

"I'd like to um...apologize for earlier. I didn't mean to leave your classroom in such a hurry. It's just that i'm not feeling like myself lately."

" _Maya, you don't have to apologize, because we all have those days. How you react and handle them is the only thing in your control. But I would like to know how I can help because whatever it is, I want you to know you can always come to us with anything, judgement free, feeling safe for help." He reminds her with the familiar speech._

"Mr. Matthews, I'm sorry if I have caused any trouble."

" _You know Maya, the fact that you realize you made a mistake and are coming to me about it really shows growth. Whatever it is that's troubling you, we'll work through it together."_

Maya contemplated telling him, weighing the pros and cons in her head while awkwardly waiting for Mr. Matthews to be the first to break the silence and ask her. She felt it would be easier if he asked her questions and figured it out for himself, but knew she couldn't do that, and just had to grow up and do it herself.

"Mr. Matthews?" Her voice wavers on the verge of tears, nervously waiting for him to respond.

" _Maya, you know you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. Unless of course, it's harmful."_

"No, I'm gonna rip the band-aid off because if it's not now, it's never. And I'm gonna need you to try really hard to give me advice I can actually use right now."

Cory insisted that everything he told the girls and the class was useful, forgetting the seriousness of the moment momentarily until Maya shut him down. He cleared his throat and prepared to listen to four words that he never would have expected from that young girl's mouth, no matter what she had done in the past.

"Mr. Matthews? I'm pregnant." She bites her bottom lip, feeling her mouth go dry.

Silence fills the air so thick you could cut in with a knife. She fears a "Cory Matthews" freakout as one would call it, but he was stunned that his sweet little Maya could utter such words. The only thing scarier was if she said…

"And Friar is the father." She adds, feeling a weight lifted off her chest, however Cory instinctively begins feeling fatherly instincts towards Maya.

" _Lucas!" He gasps, followed by, "See what I told you? Don't feel, because it only leads to confusions, and eventually…"_

"This… a baby." Maya finishes as if she already knew what he was going to say, and could only begin to imagine the look on his face on the other line. "Look, I'm really sorry I let you down Mr. Matthews. You trusted me to make all the right choices and this one was not it."

" _Maya, we all make wrong decisions, it's something we're entitled to do as human beings. We're not perfect and life couldn't teach us anything if we didn't screw up. But this is one tiny thing that I believe God had destined for this child. And Topanga and I will always be here to support you, because you're Riley's best friend, and our second daughter. We love you Maya, and nothing will change that. You're family whether you and this baby are blood or not."_

Wow, was Riley everything like her parents. As she began to realize that she had been truly blessed and they all had insisted and arrived at the same thing: Maya's mistake didn't define her, and wouldn't judge her as anything other than a human being. That being said, they weren't judging her or her poor choices at all, and they loved her and saw her as any other human being learning from her choices in life.

"Thank-you, Mr. Matthews." She sobs, trying to make it less obvious than it already was.

" _Maya, I want you to make the right choices for this baby however."_

"Which are?"

" _What you see fit for you and more importantly, the baby. But this is your time to grow, Maya."_

Maya knew he was always right, that was something she felt that lingered inside her, even if at the moment it wasn't something she wanted to hear. She felt like she had a lot of that during that time: people saying things she knew were true, but she necessarily not what she wanted to hear. For example: telling her parents she was pregnant, or more specifically, explaining to them what had happened. But that was a story for another day.


	2. Adoptions, Appointments, Anticipation

***Eight Months Before Lettie***

"Maya Penelope?!" She suddenly heard from the bottom of the stairs, the familiar angst filled voice of her mother clouding the previously silent room with tension.

Maya, with panic in every motion she made, hung up on Mr. Matthews, effortlessly opening her textbook instead and making it look as if she had been studying. She paid no mind to the fact that her mother had been working a stressful day, because it was nothing out of the norm. That was until the sudden ' _click'_ of a plastic stick against her wood desk caught her attention and she jumped, having no time to even realize how fast her heart was racing.

"Baby girl, what is this?" Her voice quieted, disappointment and confusion replacing the anger. It also held a slightly hopeful tone, one that suggested that it could be a big misunderstanding.

She didn't speak, and barely could utter out any noise such as a sputter, but instead she felt her heart sink and her eyes silently plea for help and understanding. She felt sharp tears rip through her eyes as if everything just sunk in for her, like seeing the positive lines on the test wasn't enough.

"Ma…" Her voice breaks, falling forward so that she could wrap her shaking arms around her mother, but instead her mother only turns away.

"We had an understanding, Maya; And you were not to fall into this path of destruction!" She cries out, her voice breaking. "I've made sure you grew up knowing you were loved and respected, only hoping for the same. Letting you know that you work for things and that they don't come easy, and now you've only financially burdened us further because of your recklessness!"

"You also taught me to overcome any obstacles life has for me." Her voice cracks as she tries to defend herself with facts.

"Yes, I did Maya. I also taught you that there are something that can also be avoided, and this was one of them. Cutting out the unnecessary costs that we don't need to save money. And did you really think a baby could be an obstacle we could work out?!" She raises her voice, matter-of-factly, scaring Maya with a reaction she thought wouldn't be possible from her mother.

Katy leans against Maya's desk on one hand, swiping the test off the desk and staring into its plastic window before dropping to the floor, Katy herself mess of sweaty tears as she and Maya cry at the same time, but not together, not for the same reasons. Maya was scared out of her mind, Katy was irritated, afraid of how even with Shawn in their lives…wait? What if this scared him away? What if Maya drove him away with this news? All these horrible thoughts circulated her mind as her daughter cried beside her, neither one of them a victim in this game of life.

"Baby girl," She begins quietly, calmly, "We have Shawn in our lives now. We're a family that cares for each other, but now, you've tore the fabric. Shawn isn't going to want to support you and me and the baby! No matter how much you think that man cares for you, because when it comes down to it, I'm his wife and we're on the same side!"

Katy's voice finishes her sentence in anger before she stands up shamefully, brushing herself off and leaving the room without a glance behind her, not wanting to think about anything that she had just blurted at her daughter. Maya pushes her clammy hands against each other, lying them flat on her desk before pushing her forehead into them, overcome by heavy sobs consuming her breathing.

An hour had passed and her fuming attitude hadn't surpassed, though she didn't see how it could, and channeled that anger as she tossed her clothing from her dresser into the duffle bag hanging slightly off her bed. She hadn't planned on where she would go, all she knew was she couldn't live with the Matthews' forever, not with a child ,not in their apartment. Their house was only her temporary plan until they could help her settle someplace.

She rapped the front door with her knuckles, red and chapped from walking over in the rain, grinding them angrily against the denim on her jeans to keep them dry. She knew it would take them by surprise, as she normally would just come in, but somehow she couldn't compose herself, unable to pull it together like nothing was wrong, and walking through that front door became even the most difficult of a task.

Topanga pulled the door open to find the young girl, her eyes red and raw from crying, the duffle bag dripping onto their door mat, and Maya's left hand, shaking as she continued to crack her knuckles together, her hand now cold from the weather.

"Maya…" She sympathetically answers without question, opening her arms and wrapping them around the sobbing girl as she pulled her into the warm, dry apartment.

 **Lacey's POV**

Mrs. Matthews is helping me and Maya today by searching online for some of the birthing classes the hospital offers here in New York. We're gathered at their kitchen table and I take in the comfort of their home, something that hasn't felt like it could even be remotely familiar because my sister's and I haven't had a solid home in years.

The artwork on the fridge, picture frames with family photos from vacations, road trips, beach days, trips to the park, and even in their home line the table in their entrance to the stairs, and books snuggle tightly beside each other on the shelves. Even the aroma of the worn candles resting beside the stove in their little holders have a homely smell.

"Lacey?" A voice calls me back from my thoughts, "Does this one appeal to you?" Topanga asks, turning the laptop and tapping her pen against her notepad.

"Um, sure?" I'm not really listening, more interested in daydreaming, until I feel the baby kick and I gasp, leaning forward.

Topanga looks up and smiles, and it becomes clear she knew I wasn't listening in the first place until the baby shook me from my thoughts with a kick. Riley's face grows concerned until Maya puts an arm around her, reassuring her that it was perfectly normal for me to feel movement.

"Would you like to feel?" I offer, watching a look of discomfort and fear on her face form, until curiosity took over. "It won't bother him or her." Patting the seat beside me, I invite her over and grab her hand, feeling her involuntarily resist as I pull it to my stomach.

"That's the baby?" Her eyes light up and I smile, remembering the time my sister Lauren and I had felt our youngest sister, Lily, kick my mother.

It wasn't that I hadn't felt a baby kick before, my mother had let me experience that many times with Lily, but the reason why it had been so important in our lives. It had been the last time we saw our mother before she passed away.

She had turned away chemo for months and had withered away to nothing, refusing to get any care for herself so that we could have a sibling, that our sibling would have us and a life. She didn't believe in abortion, she believed it was her duty to carry out this baby no matter the circumstances because of God's plan for this baby. The day she passed away had been the day after Lily was born, our mother weak from delivery, weary from the fight she had battled.

What about our dad? Well, cancer takes a toll on the whole family, not just the one you love, and he had given up after the love of his life, his high school sweetheart had passed, and turned to a criminal lifestyle to cope with his pain. We lost lots of money to drugs and gambling, and when he started to tap into our grandparents fortune for more they turned us away, deeming us children as the reason their son was losing it, and we wound up in the hands of the foster care system.

I don't want that life for my baby. Of course I want him or her to know that there are struggles in life, and there is a sense of accomplishment found working hard for what you want. But I don't want this child growing up feeling unwanted, unloved, or unstable. I'm sure of one thing, and that is that I want a better life for the baby that I can't give them. Not when I'm in foster care, unsure of my own situation, and it certainly wouldn't be fair to me, the baby, my sisters, or anyone that would actually be willing to take us.

And I've secretly never planned on knowing the gender. My foster parents were convinced at one time knowing the baby's gender might help me find a family, I know any good, real family is looking for a heart to love, girl or boy. I don't want my child to be a sale for those looking for healthy caucasian babies, and I for sure know I don't want anyone to know that my baby is not that, another secret no-one knows.

One more thing I won't tell the parents: I'm not holding my baby after it's born to avoid attachment, an agreement I want to have with them to accept. But tomorrow that will all change when I'm forced to sit down and discuss the adoption with a social worker, the parents and the doctor delivering my baby, during my appointment.

"Lacey? Are you ready for tomorrow?" Topanga startles me once again from my thoughts.

Truthfully, I was nervous. Second thoughts scoured my head like Tarzan through a jungle, swinging from one moodswing to another, wanting what's best for my baby, then wanting to take the baby and run off to a new life for us both. Topanga says conflicting emotions are normal for adoptions, that she knows tons of families through her firm that bring in counselors to meetings to help talk out emotions.

"Well, what do I expect from tomorrow? We're just gonna talk about the life for the baby after he or she is born." I brush off, trying not to put too much thought into it.

"There's more to adoption than whether it's open or closed." Maya informs me, resting a hand on my shoulder as Topanga nods in agreeance. "You're going to talk about whether you're allowed to hold the baby after it's born, who's gonna be in the room, a range of options for before, during and after the baby is born and with its family."

My heart sunk fast in my chest, feeling as if my lungs filled with cement and the acid in my stomach was dissolving itself. _Allowed to hold the baby? Who's gonna be in the room?_ As long as I could remember, I assumed that my social worker would be with me, and now Maya promised. But what if the adoptive parents don't want her to be in there? Or they want it to be just them? I haven't thought about it until then, but of course the parents would want to be there, right?

"I don't really want to talk about this right now. I'm gonna lie down for a bit." I quickly protest, beginning to slowly get up from my chair,and grasping Maya's forearms as she offers them to me, helping me up.

"Lacey, we have to talk about it. This all isn't just gonna go away and either way you need to be prepared, especially emotionally. This is a very mature decision." Topanga informs me from the kitchen table.

"Maybe this isn't what's best…" I begin, knowing it to be untrue.

"You said so yourself, adoption is the best option for the baby, yourself, and your sisters if you ever hope to get adopted." Maya insists.

My hand goes to my protruding stomach, making it so hard for me to pretend this isn't happening soon. It's all is happening so fast, the baby will come, the parents will take him or her, and then my life will resume as if nothing happened. And it's terrifying yet comforting at the same time, knowing that I'll be back with my family and as long as I give the baby up I can come back home, at the same time anything is uncertain in the foster care system. My foster parents could change their minds', or the parents could withdraw.

"Lacey, what are you thinking about?" Maya asks me, resting her hand on my arm as she sits by me on the couch.

"Before I was pregnant, I overheard my foster parents talking about 'adult adoption' and how they couldn't have custody over me, but could still be my forever family after I turn eighteen. But the other day, I heard them talk about how they want only Ellie and Lillian. They plan on kicking me out, even after the baby is born and adopted."

Maya then did the perfect thing: Instead of trying to give me an answer I wouldn't want to hear or believe, she leaned over and hugged me, whispering that she was sorry how unfair in was, but life wasn't meant to be perfect. She told me I was strong despite me not wanting to hear it, and said we could overcome anything together. That she'd always be here for me, even when the situation was out of our control. That support of a friend was the most important thing. She didn't bring down my foster parents, she didn't give me any false promises, and she didn't doubt me. She was my friend and she showed it, not just assignment but something or someone that blossomed into a real friend.

"Mom," Riley's eyes light up, "What if we adopted Lacey?!" She exclaims, and Topanga's eyes go wide.

"Riles," Her sharp voice holds a warning, fear that I might get false hope, "We love Lacey, and- we consider you family," She turns to me, "However, I don't know if that would work out in our favor or without going to court or whatever. The laws are messy Riley."

"But we gotta fight for the ones we love."

Topanga sighs exasperated, frustrated with Riley's persistence, and I knew that was only because she knew it would be nearly impossible to do. She knew it would kill Riley but life was tough and she had to know that she couldn't always make things better no matter how hard she tried, she could only be there to be my friend.

"Riley, honey, the best thing you could do for Lacey right now is be her friend. We can't solve all of the world's problems, but we can do the best we can to help Lacey create her own world that she'll love. I don't see why we can't help her find a better family though."

Tears of frustration well up in her eyes, and I can tell she wants nothing less than the best for me and Maya's. The best she could do was support me as Topanga said, and also convince her mother to be the adoption lawyer for me and my adoptive parents.

"Mom, will you please try to at least represent her case and write a contract for her and the parents?" Riley pleas.

"I'll do my best honey, but it'll take a lot of research looking into it." She reluctantly agrees.

 **Topanga's POV**

My heart is pounding in my ears as I sit on the toilet lid, staring at the thin, plastic stick I hold in my right hand, contemplating whether I'm really ready for this life change if it presents itself, or not. Cory and I talked about having another for awhile but after Maya moved in with herself and eventually Lettie, we decided that we wouldn't have room for one more, that they were all the family we needed.

Months ago, this is what we thought we wanted. But now with my law firm booming in business, me studying up on Lacey's case, and the girls getting ready to graduate, this didn't feel like the best time.

"Now or never; It's inevitable that I'll know sooner or later." I sigh, turning the test in my hands and lifting the seat of the toilet.

Moments later I'm washing up in the sink, glancing at the test stick out of the corner of my eye and watching as the stream of urine moves up, making the first line appear, and waiting to see if there is a second one.

"Cor? I'm ready now!" My voice wavers from behind the bathroom door.

Cory creeks the bathroom door fearfully open, wrapping the knuckles of his left hand around the wooden frame and his eyes widened with angst, staring at me, ignoring my gesture for him to come in.

"No matter what happens," He looks at me, lifting my chin to meet his brown saucers of eyes. "We're in this together. And what's a third time? Maya and Lettie are already like having more children." He lightly laughs to my detest.

"So, should we look?" He finally implies when he realizes I'm unamused.

I wrap my hand around his wrist mid-reach, firmly gripping it and staring anxiously at him to his surprise. It was foolish to think that not looking would change anything, but something didn't feel right.

"Topanga, I'll read it to you." He insists, and I slowly let go, feeling some tension leave my body.

His cold stare, filled with both horror and disgust interrogate the test and his mouth falls open, screeching slightly and dropping it with a _thunk!_ into the bathtub.

"Cory," I nudge him, slight amusement in my voice but nonetheless terrified, his reaction like the wordless answer we both knew what it meant.

Slowly Cory smirks, glancing at me with his mischievous brown eyes and instantly I knew he was messing with me.

"Cory Matthews!" My voice breaks as I begin to laugh, realizing that this was an inappropriate response to our stress but always as a couple we seemed to make lemonade from our lemons.

"No baby yet?" He asks in a babyish voice.

"Maybe not at all." I tease back.

 ***Five months before Lettie***

Maya dressed in front of her full length mirror for school, yanking off the grey, crop top looking sports bra she had worn to bed and instead replaced it with a normal one when she first caught a glimpse of her bloated stomach. It took her by surprise because she knew that she would get bigger, but the thing that scared her the most was not only could she now see she was pregnant (and certainly feel it), but that her stomach had grown out of its "beer belly" bloating stage to form a hard, dome shaped home for her baby.

This was it. As if the four pregnancy tests, three and a half months of nausea, and doctor visits in which she heard their heartbeat wasn't enough proof, seeing the visibility was stunning. But with it came the horrible realization that now this was it. There was no denying it. Soon enough at school her friends and classmates, even teachers, would figure it out.

 _Woah...um?!_ She muttered to herself in shock, fear, even apprehension.

"Maya?! Riley?" She hears Topanga call her for breakfast from the bottom of the steps.

She quickly shimmies into her top, pulling her loose, flowy blouse over her stomach that was beginning to protrude, and slipped her swollen feet into her size seven flats. She was slightly anxious over this new milestone, if she could even call it that because this whole thing felt like a nightmare, an idea that just didn't fit into her head and felt unrealistic, unreal, unfitting. No going back.

"Riley?" Her voice wavered, looking around the room for the small brunette, finally spotting her still hiding under the covers. "Riles, get up. We're gonna be late and I really need time to talk to you." She hurriedly throws some clothes her way before heading towards the bathroom to brush her hair.

Riley groans and rolls over, rubbing the sleep from her eyes to find Maya still in front of the mirror, an inquisitive look still on her face, her hands on her small stomach.

"Maya, what's the matter? The several signs pointing to be pregnant and the trip to the doctor- where you heard the heartbeat, weren't enough for you?" She smiles, sarcasm dripping from her lips.

"Riles," Maya's sharp voice warns her, glancing back in the mirror and watching as Riley throws herself out of bed. "Today's the day my decision feels real. They're gonna ask if I want to know the gender, and I'll say 'no' because I don't want to get attached. This baby is going up for adoption, and it's gonna make it a thousand times harder to give up."

"Maya, you are not giving up on this baby! You're allowing another family to take him or her to raise because you know you might not be able to give the baby the life it deserves, but another couple might be able to fulfill that. And what's knowing the gender going to do to that. Whether it's a boy or girl, it's not gonna change the fact that you can't take care of a baby."

Maya spins around, checking her outfit to make sure it didn't look or feel too tight, because these days her outfits were a hit or miss whether they still fit or not. This made the whole pregnancy feel real, and seeing her little baby growing made it hard not to feel attached.

But she knew this had to be done. If she ever hoped to move back in with her mom, and if she hoped for the baby, most importantly, to have a better life than she did, she had to find a family and commit. And she felt like knowing the gender would make giving the baby up. It felt personal, real, and she didn't want to know unless the adoptive parents did.

And now, an hour late to school, she felt everyone's eyes meet her stomach and immediately felt her face flush, her cheeks the only pop of color on her face, red as a tomato with embarrassment. She knew it was becoming obvious, but only to herself more than others. But it wasn't until Mr. Matthews encouraged her to sit down that she realized she had been over-reacting, that everyone wasn't staring because it was obvious she was pregnant, but the fact she had turned up late to class. Her heartbeat slowed and her embarrassment faded as she sat down and opened her textbook, focusing hard on ignoring everyone around her, and instead her thoughts shifted towards her conversation with Mrs. Matthews the first time she had gone to the doctor, just two and a half months before.

" _Mrs. Matthews, can you please pull over." She had moaned as they pulled into the clinic parking lot._

 _Topanga pulls over without question, concern in her eyes for the young girl. Maya's door quickly flew open and she threw up right there, feeling her stomach twist as vomit dripped vainly from her lips. Maya furrowed her brows, watching in disgust before turning away and leaning back in her seat._

" _There's nothing to be nervous about," Topanga smiles, setting a hand gently on Maya's thigh for reassurance. "Women do this all the time."_

" _But not fifteen year olds." Maya protests, feeling the frustration unbottle._

 _Maya truly hated herself. Her own mother kicked her out and her heart was broken, the knowledge of how she now no smarter than her mother because Lucas had freaked out and left her too, (Only temporarily to Texas, fortunately) but somehow this baby was the sum of a beautiful mess. Maybe not to Maya, but she knew the baby was meant to be someone else's miracle._

" _Mrs. Matthews, can I confess something horrible to you?" She asks, waiting until Topanga gave her nod of approval. "When we go in there, part of me is hoping they won't find anything. Like, I'm not hoping the baby died, but just that small part of me was hoping that they were wrong about me being pregnant at all. Hearing the heartbeat is just gonna make it feel real, and I just don't feel ready for this."_

 _Maya bit her lip, feeling the sting of sharp tears leaving her eyes only to find herself sobbing and heaving helplessly. But wasn't she helpless after all? No, she had to own up to her mistake. This situation was not at all helpless. She chose to have sex, she chose to take responsibility, and show a new sense of maturity, even if Lucas wouldn't come around like she hoped he would soon, because running away was out of character for the young cowboy._

" _Maya, this is not horrible. This is a scary situation to be faced with and if you were completely pretending this wasn't happening, I'd be more concerned. But you're recognizing your mistakes, and surely It's scary to see the consequences and to wish they weren't there. But wishing them away isn't gonna make it happen your way."_

" _This is my fault, and it's not fair to the baby for me to feel this way. So helpless, even though really the baby is the real helpless one here. She or he didn't ask for this to happen."_

" _Maya, we wouldn't be human if we didn't make mistakes, or learn from them. You're only human Maya; But sometimes the most beautiful rainbows come from the storms, and the fact that you're bringing this child into the world and allowing them a chance at life seems selfless to me."_

" _But Mrs. M, I can't keep the baby. That could be the most selfish thing for us right now. My priority is to give him or her a better life."_

" _And how have you been thinking you'll do that? Because I can tell something has been on your mind." She encourages, smiling at Maya to make her feel safe._

 _Maya silently unbuckles herself, implying that she just wanted to go into the clinic, and Topanga could sense her uneasiness. It was as if she knew what she wanted but was afraid to do it because she didn't want to be attached. But the word 'adoption' lingered in the air the entire appointment up until the point the ultrasound monitor turned on. It was then that things began to sink in._

" _The baby has a very strong heartbeat." Dr. Jemaine remarked, smiling at Maya as she continued moving the wand over Maya's stomach and pointing._

 _Maya didn't feel disappointment in that moment that she had heard a heartbeat, but instead fear. She had partly known it would be unrealistic that she was never pregnant, but that tiny flame died when the doctor had assured her she was. When she saw and heard the baby's heartbeat, not the nausea, missed period, or several pregnancy tests._

 _Her fear turned to guilt and her guilt to apprehension, because she knew it was getting real and had only seven months to get acting on her decisions. She know was assured of her pregnancy and felt relief that the baby was alive, even though she wasn't happy she was pregnant. But she knew somewhere there was a couple who wanted this baby and she knew she had to deliver their hopes and wishes._

" _Maya?" Topanga called her back from her thoughts and Maya quickly smiled up at Topanga._

" _God has a plan: He wants me to carry this baby out for another family that can't have the experience to be pregnant. He wants me to carry this pregnancy out so the child have almost have a better life with a family where the baby and parents cherish each other, bountiful love, endless adventures, but most of all, someone to love forever."_

 _The doctor smiled as she printed out the ultrasound for Maya. Maya slipped it into her hands and held it between her fingertips staring fearfully but hopeful at the baby. She knew this decision had to be made and it wouldn't be easy, at the same time it felt so assuring knowing the baby would have a chance at a better life._

Now weeks have passed and this day had come, the day when the belly has popped and shown to the world that she was housing a baby, or at least it felt that obvious to her. And with her hormone changes had come her feelings on this adoption, and her once confident self started feeling pressured, fearful, and hesitant.

She was going back and forth with herself on the adoption, even drawing T-charts in her notebook covers on pros and cons. Topanga assured her it was normal to feel conflicted, but it just made Maya feel more guilty and selfish.

This appointment she had told herself to opt out of knowing, but a little piece of her wanted to know, to feel a part of this child more than just physically. She wanted to secretly give the child a name to call throughout the rest of the pregnancy, but she knew it was a bad idea, and that was why she knew she wouldn't want to know.

So when she was finally called out of school for it, she walked into the clinic with confidence, the notebook tucked under her arm for reassurance, a backup in order to stay strong.

"Maya Hart-Hunter?" She heard an attendant call around the waiting room and she slowly stood, waiting for Topanga to grab her purse, sliding it up on her shoulder and following the lady into the exam room.

Maya laid down, tucking the sterile paper sheet into the waistband of her jeans, lifting her blouse to expose her stomach. She only flinched when the doctor had put the jelly on her stomach, but quickly focused on the screen, anxiously waiting for the baby's appearance.

The last time she had gone to the ob, she had saw an alien like creature on the screen, it's little heart pounding vigorously with a static, radio speaker like sound, so when she saw what looked like a preemie baby doll, it took her aback.

"That's the baby?" Maya gasps rhetorically.

Doctor Jemaine stares harder at the screen, taking in the measurements, both Maya's and the baby's. Maya was still small for being about eighteen weeks, it feeling more obvious to her that she was pregnant than anyone else. That was why when she woke up earlier that morning, actually being able to see the belly through her shirt instead of it camouflaging itself beneath her baggy clothes felt so unreal.

"Well, the heartbeat is a little slower than usual. And...how far did you say you thought you were again?" Dr. Jemaine looks to Topanga as if Maya couldn't answer correctly for herself.

"She's about eighteen weeks?" Topanga informs her, seeing Maya nod her head for reassurance.

"I feel huge, even if it's just paranoia thinking that everyone else sees me that way." Maya adds.

"Well you're not measuring quite that far." Dr. Jemaine intervenes, shaking her head, and after seeing fear on Maya's face, she smiles at her, then looks to the screen. "Given the fact that Maya seems smaller built herself, the baby could just be tiny, because Maya herself seems to be where she's supposed to be health wise."

After Dr. Jemaine turns off the machine, Maya sits up with the new ultrasound in her hands, looking at the black and white print of her baby in disbelief. The baby looked so tiny and it confused her how she could feel so big, even if her baby wasn't.

" _So most of that weight is actually you."_ Farkle later would add.

"Maya, we want to make sure you and the baby are getting enough nutrients. So Ms. Maya, please consider a change in diet that benefits you and the baby."

"No more tacos?" Maya whimpered with a pout on her face.

Maya had been turned from tacos since her sixth week of pregnancy anyways when the morning sickness had kicked in. Mostly during the day she would feel nauseas without throwing up, until she tried to go out for tacos with her friends and it ended up on some grumpy subway man. It wasn't until recent that she began eating her favorite foods and boy she must have missed them because on 'Taco Tuesday', she downed eight.

"Just try to limit yourself. Life is all about balance." Dr. Jemaine smiles, watching relief wash over her.

Maya then remembered her notebook, not the one with notes, but the journal she had been secretly keeping for the baby. One that kept records of her appointments and milestones, one that she had written notes for the baby so that when he or she was old enough, they could read and see how much Maya really did care, and who their mother really was. She kept her feelings, the good and the bad so that the child would know that they weren't given up on, that it wasn't an easy decision.

"Mrs. Matthews?" Maya looked to Topanga, busying herself with all the printouts and health information, plus adoption organizations the doctor had recommended. "My notebook, is it still in your purse?" She questions, feeling relief as the pen and paper came out from her bag.

"Maya, we're going to look at lots of options when we get home." She reminds her as Maya begins journaling, writing with jackrabbit speed.

 _November 15:_

 _To my baby boy or girl:_

 _Today was a special day, because it was the day I realized that this was actually happening. To me, the ultrasound before, the pregnancy tests, all the sickness, none of it mattered because a miraculous thing happened. Not only seeing that you were still healthy and your heart was still beating weeks after my first appointment, but for the first time, I could feel you inside of me, and it baffled me that your little legs and toes could jostle around in my stomach in such a way._

 _It was like butterflies, or popcorn popping from inside, it isn't easy to describe. All I can say is I felt a love for you, grow deeper and richer, and realizing that you moved within me moved me to want even more what's best for you. And I grow more and more excited for your future, that someday you'll use your little legs and arms to move around. But I won't be there to see you take your first steps, or hear your first words, or even see you laugh or smile for the first time. But what's more important is knowing that you are happy, loved, safe, and even though I won't get to see those milestones, I'm comforted in knowing that the best thing I can do for you is allowing another family to take you as their own. That is way more important to me than seeing your first milestones. I want you to know that true love is wanting happiness for others even if it pains you, so this is for you, baby Mcboing boing._

 _I'll be out here, wondering about you everyday when you wonder about me, or read this note, and remember that their is no greater love than a mother's and God's. But please love your momma with all your heart, and be grateful everyday for her sacrifices, hard work, and unconditional love. Because whether it's me, or your adoptive family, know that we have made sacrifices only out of love for you. And for me, it's reassuring knowing that adoption, the pain of birth, everything is worth it._

Maya smiled as she tucked the pen behind her left ear, revising and editing it a little more and the doctor's words were distant despite being spoken directly to her. She was satisfied knowing that she was ready to make this decision, an adult one, and nothing felt better than knowing that even though she was pregnant at fifteen, it was all coming together. She would have her baby placed for adoption and though life still would never go completely back to normal, she could finish school while knowing her child was growing up in a home that could comply to her needs.

Earlier that morning, while sitting in Mr. Matthews class, Maya had failed to mention the uncomfortable flutter to anyone because she was both fearful and unsure of what she had just experienced. Her thoughts bounced to her unborn baby, and was fearful that something was wrong. Her stomach was empty and it fluttered as it had flipped, and her hand flew instinctively to her stomach.

Her pencil rolled off her desk and clicked on the floor, and her test paper blew off with it, drawing attention from Riley, Lucas, and a few others, looking up, disturbed from their tests.

"Ms. Hart?" Cory looks to Maya from his desk, seeing the puzzled and unusually fearful look on the blonde's young face.

"Mr. Matthews," Her voice wavered, both embarrassed for causing a scene and disturbing a completely quiet classroom.

Cory stood up and walked over, bending beside her desk and lending an ear to Maya who sat up straighter, whispering into his ear. It was then that Cory let out a lighthearted chuckle, smiling at Maya then gesturing for her to stand up. They walked out the classroom door, Maya fearful that he would send her to the nurse, but instead they say on the bench outside his classroom.

"Mr. Matthews, what's wrong?" She asks, her heart palpitating in her chest.

"Maya, you're fine. I can assure you that this is good, so good!" He laughs again, Maya cocking her head in an inquisitive way. "That's your baby kicking. Either that or you have gas. Topanga had terrible gas and -"

"Mr. Matthews," Her voice moans, cutting him off with disgust. "I'm sure it couldn't have been gas, but how can a baby that tiny make such a proclamation of its life."

"He or she just wants to assure you that their there, and they're growing healthy. You're doing something right. The baby is happy to let you know its there; Either that or it's all those tacos from last night." He teases as Maya felt relief rush over her.

It was then that she knew this was another important entry, something she knew she had to write down. The last few entries were garbage, somethings she knew the baby wouldn't care about, but the last time she had kept an entry in the book without ripping it out, was when she had told Lucas about the baby. But that was for another day.


	3. Family Feuds and Flashbacks

**Maya's POV**

Lacey was now just seven short weeks from her due date, not that due dates ever guaranteed anything, but was quickly becoming anxious. Mrs. Matthews was hard at work fighting for Lacey's and her sisters' rights as foster children while simultaneously helping Lacey look for a potential family this late in the game. Her previous family had backed out when they found out they were pregnant after four years of trying and decided they didn't want two babies at once.

Last week Lacey found out the gender of the baby, but won't tell anyone because she's afraid of becoming attached to the baby, and if she admits that to us, she's afraid we'll judge her for wanting to keep the baby. She basically wants to pretend she doesn't know but in reality, I know there's more because shortly after finding out the gender with the potential parents, she became distant and I don't think the parents, Scott and Megan, liked the baggage.

Today she and I were getting ready for her birthing class, and usually Topanga would take her, but became busy with late night case work and I volunteered to take her, Riley curiously wanting to tag along despite me warning her that her innocent little Riley mind wouldn't want to venture down the horrible path of childbirth.

I buckled in the driver's seat with Lacey beside me and Riley sat in the back with the two pillows and rubber doll. I wasn't sure how Lacey would handle today's video birth video, along with the doll demonstrations, but she was a trooper after all, and I was positive that now was her time to show maturity and come to terms with reality if she hadn't already.

She was ready to take on the challenge of a robot baby this weekend (If only she knew it wasn't remotely close to the real thing) and the labor simulator, one they used for the moms nearing closer to their due dates. If only I had this kind of class when I was pregnant with Lettie, but Topanga had to pull a few strings to get Lacey into this class on the upper, classier side of New York.

"Can the moms nearing May and early June due dates meet me in the center of the room?" Dr. Nancy announced, smiling at all the eager moms.

Lacey nervously and hesitantly looked to me as the other moms made their way over, and I could feel her anxiety. She didn't want to do this, she didn't want to face reality. She was afraid if she couldn't do this, then how could she possibly survive nearly thirty-six hours of labor? I don't speak, instead setting a gentle yet firm hand on her shoulder, guiding her to the center of the room and helping her set up the mat.

"Maya," Her voice cracks as she notices the display, a silicone uterus with a plastic doll's head peeking through.

"Lacey, this is just to help reassure you and better prepare you. This isn't gonna change the fact that labor will hurt, but this class will give you the tools to help you through it."

She didn't look like she believed me, but I continued anyways, ignoring the fact that Riley was curiously looking around like a lost puppy, and playing with the uterus display. Riley is startled when I put my hand on her shoulder, but takes it as a cue to know that she would probably want to leave. She slips out and sits in the hall, and I can see her peeking through the small, rectangular window on the hospital door.

"Breathing, what to expect, all those things so you don't go into this blind and have a peace of mind and better understanding. I promise you, you're not the only terrified one here, even the moms who have done it a few times are still nervous, or scared by the sight of birth."

Nancy began gazing around the room, walking with her arms behind her back to observe and compliment the moms despite them struggling (for the most part) to figure out how to attach the sticky probes to their stomachs. When Maya and Lacey finally got them attached and watched in amusement as one of the husbands jokingly took a probe and stuck it to himself, Nancy began the instructions for the other partner.

"The beginning mode, also known as 'early labor' in reality, should be on. The contractions should not be painful, but uncomfortable, like mild cramps." She informs them and Maya looks to Lacey, looking to see if she was reacting as the other moms.

Lacey lay against her pillow which was propped against the me, concentrating fully on her breathing as Nancy had said to do. I was impressed in the effort she was putting in, but after all, Lacey was in one of the highest recommended, and hardest to get into birthing classes there was in New York.

"As they intensify" She turns to the husbands and nods. "Birthing partners please up the button five times,"

Then Nancy turns back to the moms, ready to guide them through their next steps of labor, referring to the rubber uterus she then pulls out, catching everyone up to speed.

"You begin to enter active labor, and the uterus contracts, working to push the baby's head through your birth canal."

Lacey cringes a bit, and I can't tell if it's because of the pain or if it was the terminology, or maybe even both. Offering her hand and expecting her to take it she does, relaxing a little bit until another contraction hits, and tenses up again, both emotionally and physically. It was then that she shifted from the wall, comfortably into my lap.

"It's okay, use your breathing." I reassure her, slightly annoyed with myself for saying something that had made me wanna punch Mrs. Matthews when she had said it to me.

Lacey exhales, blowing air out as if she was filling a balloon, her face flushing and she looked as if she was going to pass out. Encouragingly, I remind her that short breaths are for when it intensifies and becomes quicker, and that she was doing great.

"Ladies, depend on your breathing and on your husband to get you through the next several hours. Give into the pain because trying to subside it will only take more energy. Use your breathing techniques and resources."

Nancy turns to the husbands, giving them non-verbal permission to intensify to the final stage, "Help your wives remember this, no matter how mean she may act towards you." She adds, receiving a collective chuckle from around the room.

Lacey moans quietly yet fierce, letting me know with a few words that she wasn't loving the feel of it, but it was only the beginning. No matter how much technology would change, labor was a different experience for everyone and this one device couldn't possibly depict how it would be for everyone, other than maybe their pain tolerance.

"Ugh- Epidural!" Lacey suddenly bursts, and a couple of the second time moms lightheartedly laugh at her as I take the codeword as the cue to stop.

"Maya? Can I come back in?" I eventually hear Riley's voice echo from outside the door, and I wave her back inside, having Lacey shift so that she could sit up against Riley to give my legs a break.

Lacey rests her hand on her protruding stomach, lightly relaxing her eyelids and facial expressions and it was the most peaceful she had looked all week. Riley pulls at her hair, trying to braid it because that was how she would always unwind. Riley enjoyed her mother's fingers through her scalp, piecing together strands of hair to fall into a braid, and you could literally see Lacey's tension leave her body.

"We're now gonna hand out the robot babies." Nancy eventually announces, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room, Lacey included, who furrowed her brows.

"Robot baby?" She asks as if she was unaware this was happening. "I thought we were just gonna take care of the little rubber ones!" She was, as Riley and I always say, shooketh.

Nancy made her way around, handing out babies of different ethnicities to everyone, eventually landing a latino baby girl in Lacey's arms. Lacey looks at her as if she was toxic, like she would come to life and spit up in her mouth or something.

"Lace, it's okay. She doesn't bite." I smile, encouraging her to become closer with the doll that she know had the next forty-eight hours with.

Lacey contemplates at first, then realizes quickly that even if this isn't relatively realistic, it would still bring her mind at peace having some knowledge, a taste into parenthood. The irony though, was she wasn't keeping the baby, so why were we making her do this? Was it to make her change her mind? Because anyone with one night with this baby probably wouldn't think twice about their decision to put the baby up for adoption.

"Lacey, you don't have to do this." Riley reassures her, Topanga's words lingering in the back of our minds. ' _Adoption is a choice, and if you feel like opting out is the best decision to support your choice, go for it'_

"Nothing will change my mind about this adoption, Maya. In my heart not a single thing will change the love I have for my child, not even this silly, robotic baby. Because even if this experiment won't be that bad, it won't change the reality. I can't take care of a baby because a real baby's needs are completely different and challenging. And I'm not in the point of my life where I can handle that."

Lacey development from when Maya first met her was incredible. She not only looked to things with a sense of maturity, she saw both sides of the problem, and figured out how to make the best decision. Adoption wasn't a solution, she was always still gonna be a mom, whether she raised a child or not. But what she wanted for the baby was a family, not a solution.

So later that night when the baby was programmed and Lacey got her first taste of parenthood, she felt assured that this wasn't gonna make her want to keep the baby. After all, a simulation isn't like the real thing.

 **Lacey's POV**

I tiptoe down the staircase of our home, feeling the hardwood beneath my feet and picturing the splint wood that lay between my toes. One wrong step and I could fall or be punctured by a sliver that my parents were too cheap to fix. Our safety was their number two priority to their gambling, and many times I would sit beside one of my sisters on the bathtub, putting a bandaid over the small wound.

Tonight I was on a mission to sneak out and over to the Matthews, but firstly, surpasses the warden, a.k.a, my foster dad, Michael. He lay fat and asleep in his recliner, ashtray spilled over his dirty lap, and Susan lay on the couch beside him, snoring so loudly I was afraid she might inhale the drapes.

Topanga had called me and asked me to come over because she was on my case and wanted to work alongside me. She felt that it was important to know what we were looking to do, and though I have no say in placement, I do have the right to take a stand against my neglectful foster parents.

"We have law #6049, allowing a claim against parents and the right for a foster child to be protected and provided with a new home if any concern shall arise. The problem is proof. So what do we got?" Topanga asks me, watching as I hand her over a manilla folder.

She begins to look over the papers, shuffling through them and reading aloud as she hands them across the table, organizing and displaying them for better view.

"So, their bills for car, heating and electric, all three months late. Their credit card statements- which you're gonna need to get permission to view to prove that they recklessly spend. And lastly, Doug, the owner from the casino, has promised to testify if need-be."

"But is this enough? How can we prove they were at the casino other than someone's word?" I ask, knowing she already had the answer.

"Lacey honey, I promise we'll get you the help you need. But this is a social worker's job to place you in a home. I'm only here to help with the legal concepts. Because I know that if they're truly after the fostering checks, their not gonna give up without a fight. We just have to prove that the money is going towards themselves and not you and your sisters."

"Even finding a family, which will be nearly impossible this close to my due date? What family is gonna want a baby this quickly? They weren't here for appointments and it's really soon." I'm worried and Topanga can see that, resting her hand on top of mine.

"Lacey, I can assure you that any family, especially the right one, will not care one bit about any of those things. You'll know when you find the right one." She smiles reassuringly and instantly I know I have the right person on my side.

We take a break, Topanga popping a bowl of popcorn before handing it to me, suggesting that I join the Riley and Maya upstairs, who were watching a movie together as Lettie slept beside them in a fold-up crib. Lettie stirs, making a sucking motion with her mouth as if she had a paci or a bottle, and Maya ignores it because she was trying to wean her off both her nook and the milk.

"What is this?" I ask as a brunette, goth chic girl comes on screen, rapping the first words of the song "No Diggity".

"Pitch Perfect." Maya responds distantly, focused intensely on the scene, and you can tell this had to be her favorite part.

I cringe as no one else sings along at first, and you can feel the awkward in the old, abandoned pool that they used as their sing-off spot. But as a bigger blonde girl, who I later learn is named "Fat Amy", joins in, it all actually comes together into a really cool and spontaneous group effort, as beautifully sung together as the "High School Musical" cafeteria scene.

"So they just sing covers of other people's songs? In a-Capella? This is actually great." Laughing, I watch the screen as an opponent from the other team makes his way across, teasing Fat Amy with the microphone they had won by default.

Forty minutes later, I catch myself dozing in and out of sleep when something abnormal happens and I slightly cringe, jolting myself fully alert and awake. It was as if a beetle with needles for legs scurried across my stomach, making me completely and utterly uncomfortable. My heart drops, then speeds up suddenly, as I begin to feel dizzy with anxiety.

"Lace?" I hear Maya call, kernels of popcorn falling out of her hand. "Is everything okay? You look kind of pale."

"I...I just felt this weird sensation, like my stomach was tightening." I inform her, my hand instinctively rubbing across the middle of my stomach. "Like a bug with needles for legs. It was very uncomfortable, like prickly cramps if you know what I mean."

Maya looks to Riley, setting a reassuring hand on her back after seeing the fear in Riley's face. Riley had the tendency to overreact to things and Maya had seen it and tried to stop it dead in its tracks.

"Riley, could you please go let your mother know that Lacey is uncomfortable? We might need her opinion before we get too worried." Maya asks, more in a demanding way.

"Maya?" My voice wavers. "Could this be the real thing? Because in class early labor felt just like this. And nothing is ready, and the parents aren't picked and..." The tone in my voice raises two octaves in fear before she cuts me off.

"I really don't know because real labor is hard to predict, and you're still about a month away from your due date. It's not dangerously early, but I think it's better that he or she bakes a little longer." Maya informs me, trying to help tame the anxiety.

We hear a knock on the door and Topanga steps in, walking over and helping me stand from the bed, feeling unbalanced and off center from my enlarged, eight month belly.

"Lacey, I've had children and I can still tell you that you can't truly know you're in labor until you've seen a doctor."

"So we're gonna go to the hospital?" Fearfully, my hand flies to my lips as I begin to bite the nails on my left hand and she shakes her head.

"Have you had anymore? Because sometimes fake labor can make it hard to distinguish from the real thing, especially for first timers. But if these are practice contractions, you shouldn't be having more than three to four painless, uncomfortable contractions in one hour. So Maya," She turns to Maya, "We'll keep an eye and if she has more, time then." She commands of her before turning to leave the room.

Maya walks back over to me, helping me sit down and scoot back against the headboard. Riley hands me a cup of water beside her and slides the popcorn bowl over, trying to make an effort to make me more comfortable.

"Mrs. Matthews just wanted you to stand to see if the pain would subside. But drink this water and relax because unlike real labor, these things should help subside it."

Taking the water and leaning back, watching as the main character in the movie moved in on stage, ripping open her blazer and swinging it around, her buttons popping off, and I laugh. But I can't help but think in my head how nothing feels right about the possibility of the baby coming soon, nothing is prepared, there's no parents, no hospital bag (despite Topanga reassuring me that I'd want one), and my foster parents certainly wouldn't care if he or she came early, that it's my problem to solve.

"Oof…" Suddenly I gasp, against my will.

The baby did a jab into my ribs with their elbow, causing me to involuntarily lean forwards, trying to catch air. Tonight was already a tough night. Shortly before I tucked in my sisters and made rounds around the house, checking to see if both of my foster parents were asleep, I was caught red handed with Mike's wallet.

"Where are you going, lil' missy?" He questions as his eyes drop to his wallet, his thick southern accents dripping from his salty lips.

He kicks back the recliner with the heel of his foot, standing up from the creaky, ratty, old green chair and walks towards me, his brown work boots clicking on the floor. He reached out his hand and I winced, afraid that he would unleash wrath from his almost missing casino cash. Instead he snatched the wallet, glancing me up and down and walking away, back to his recliner where the family cat slept peacefully.

He didn't drink, he didn't smoke, and I had never seen him hit anyone, but I was afraid that after all I have put them through that being hit would be my fault, my deserving. I after all, went and got pregnant.

I was sacrificing my teenage years to slaving over the house, watching my sisters, making sure my baby would have a home better than we had. And I felt selfish for wishing that because after all, we had a roof over our heads. I threw that all away because I didn't say no.

Secretly I had wished that I myself could give this baby a better and more fulfilling life. But instead I screwed everyone over, my sisters, me, and the future child that after telling my foster parents, I had realized that it wasn't a mistake to be pregnant, but I couldn't keep the baby, the mistake was thinking I could.

I remember the day they found out the news and it hadn't gone as dramatically as I had expected. I'd seen tv shows display fainting, yelling, or crying, but they did none of the above. They had just come home from gambling and were in a state of daze, their earnings the most they had earned all year. Lauren and I were on the couch waiting for them to be home and Lily was upstairs, crying already because her subtraction homework was hard.

Mike and Susan were actually decent folks. Neglectful, but none the less nice. Mike had a scary disposition as I mentioned before, the way his work boots clicked and he was a man of few words. Him and Susan couldn't have children, these were conversations they felt that we should have at the dinner table, as well as the earnings my parents had left behind. It wasn't until they went broke and realized the compensation they could get from us as foster children that they had changed.

Money was dangerous; It changed people for the worst. It turned a kind hearted woman like Susan into a money hungry, lustful woman, laid off from her job looking for the easy way out. It left us feeling neglected, that we were just their money bags sitting around and getting used up. Once we were empty they would toss us to the curb, or at least when we got too old.

"What's wrong honey?" Susan had asked, making note of my big, doe eyes.

"Lauren and I want to tell you something, and I thought it was appropriate to let you know so we could go talk as a foster family to our social worker."

I hold a tight posture, almost business like, trying to keep it together. I didn't want to cry in front of them, and my sister didn't need this kind of pressure put on her. She was just here for moral support, that and the fact that she needed to know anyways so we could plan what to do next.

"I'm pregnant." As blunt as possible I speak, lowering my eyes quickly to the ground, forgetting to be brave.

Susan stares at me before looking up to Mike, watching as he runs his long fingers through his gelled, brown hair. His forty-six year old physically being looked worn down from stress, from work, and overall the casino took a toll on him because of all the spending, and now he couldn't provide. He felt horrible but he was too man to say it. He wanted to do all the heavy lifting but he couldn't. So instead, he denied it.

"No you're not." He informs me at first, a calm, confidence in his voice.

"No really, the test is in the trash. If you'd like to see it…" I begin again before being cut off.

"NO, you're not. You can't possibly be dumb enough to be." He insists, more intense this time.

He snaps open his wallet, offering me twenty dollars as if it would magically get us to stop talking about this and leave. I sensed that he needed space and began to reach for it before Susan grabbed my wrist and shook her head, taking over.

"Mike…" Susan begins as she puts her hand over his, feeling a bit of sympathy for me.

"We'll leave, we'll work with Tina to find a better home." Lauren pleas, trying to soothe the tension in the room but also offer support to me.

"You can't be. You're not. So stop saying so because it's not fair to us and not fair to your sisters for this right now." He drops eye contact and snaps his wallet shut before shuffling away and slamming his bedroom door.

Susan stares at us, clearly uncomfortable and uniformed. She doesn't know what to say or how to make it seem even remotely better, so she instead grabs her keys and soon we hear her tires roll down the gravel driveway, leaving us to sit in the livingroom.

Lauren already suggested that we see our social worker, knowing that a situation like this wasn't gonna help our case of getting into a better home, we couldn't raise a baby here if I had wanted to keep it.

And it was then, week after week of neglectful behavior and empty cupboards that we took this into our own hands. And it wasn't until I was almost four months along that I had been recommended to be placed with a mentor to help me, not only with the baby, but friends as well.

It was Maya who took me to my very first doctor's appointment when I was already eighteen weeks along at a small, free clinic because neither Susan or Mike would look me in the eye (Mostly because Susan feared disagreeing with her husband). When I started to show, the only eye contact they would give was a glance from my stomach to somewhere else when they realized I noticed.

And lastly but not least, it was the Matthews and Maya who were there for me when at my first appointment we found out that I had been pregnant with twins but one had passed early on. The heartbreak, the fear of being pregnant at all, it all never surpassed but I began to feel comfort knowing that someone was willing to help me find my baby a better home as well as fight for mine and my sisters' rights to be in a better living environment.

And I can't forget the day we first went to the doctor's office together, the mini speech that Topanga gave me, the same one she credited some tv show for, but found it short and to the point.

" _You can get pregnant any day of the month, anytime you have sex; Even standing up, sitting down, or in a hotel hot tub."_ She firmly informed me as the doctor nodded.

She wouldn't take it being an "Accident" as an excuse because unless I slipped and fell on his lips, or immaculate conception, this was mine and the daddy's responsibility. We had to make adult decisions, we had to have a general understanding of how our life was gonna be changed. However, he bailed on me as soon as he heard the doctor say the blood test was positive, so he wasn't even here for Topanga's speech.

And then there was Mike and Susan. Greed took over them when they heard the social security check they could receive every month from me keeping the baby. When I finally figured out (or overheard) them talking about it, it made me want, no, it made me _sure_ that adoption was what I wanted, for the baby to be far away from their evil, greedy hands, their blind eye turned to money instead of what was important. The foster children they had at one point thought they actually wanted.

Now an hour later, I was leaning up against the bedframe of Riley's bed, bent over in half, my hips jutted out and swaying calmly back and forth as Maya rubbed my back. I remembered these things with determination to stay true to my plans. My wants in life for me and the baby and my sisters. Even if I didn't feel prepared for this baby, even if he or she may or may not be early, I knew I had to be brave.

"Lacey?" Maya's voice calls me from my concentration, my thoughts. "Are you sure you don't think we should go to the hospital?"

I hadn't realized how much I was scaring them until I lifted my face from the mattress, rubbing the red mark from my forehead away, and saw the look of horror on their faces as they noticed how rapidly intense my braxton hicks had become.

"Lace? Practice contractions wouldn't be this intense. Please let us take you to the hospital. Where they can monitor you and the baby, and we can work on calling the potential parents you and Topanga looked at last week." Maya informs her, trying to hide her fear with a gentle, informative plea.

Reluctantly I agree, remembering that this wasn't up to me to decide when the baby would come, but the thought of the baby coming six weeks early scared me and I had two sisters back at Mike and Susan's asleep, no idea that our life was about to change. My baby would be given up for adoption, my foster parents will kick me out because I didn't keep it like they wished, and my sisters and I will be split. Life was about to change, and not necessarily for the better.

 **Topanga's POV**

Cory and I had talked about a third kid, maybe even adoption, for a very long time. But when Maya came into our home with Lettie and things at my firm began to speed up and change, there felt like there was no time for a third Matthews baby, or seventh member in the family. But the more we came to know Lacey, the more time she spent with us and the more time I wholeheartedly put into her case, there was like a special spark that set off that want to suddenly adopt even more.

"But do you really want to start all over? Riley is a junior and Auggie in fourth grade, do we really want to go back? To buy all the cribs and diapers and supplies again. And Maya and Lettie occupy our guest room. We have no room for a child."

"Cory, I don't feel done." I plea, grabbing his hand in mine to stop him from walking to the bathroom in an attempt to avoid this conversation. "Maya and Lettie fill my heart, don't get me wrong, but our family doesn't feel complete."

"Really? Seven people living in our small apartment, there's still more room in your heart?"

"Lacey has me thinking,"

"Oh boy…." He groans, knowing how it is when I get my mind stuck on something."

"I don't want an infant, so you're right about not wanting to 'start over'. But Lacey's situation reminds me that there are older kids who need to be adopted and loved, need a home too."

"So get a dog, Topanga!" He cries at me before fearfully realizing his fatal mistake.

"You don't want to get a pet, do you?" He quickly stops and begin to try and reason and compromise. "But, I mean, maybe that's what we're longing for. An animal, a companion. We don't want to adopt another human, we want a pet for our home. A companion. Maybe even a cat instead?" He implies, hoping to change my mind.

I lean my head into his chest, his arm around me as we sit on the edge of our bed. A pet seemed like a lot of work, a lot of adjustment, but not nearly as hard as hosting another human being. We could get a dog or cat from the shelter, the kids would love the companion. It would be much harder for them to adjust to another person than an animal. It was a big change for a pet but an even bigger adjustment, responsibility, and change for another new family member.

"Where would we walk our dog? I've alway been more of a dog person, but we have no room for a big dog, and I don't want an ankle biting, yippy dog in our apartment. I'm not even sure that's allowed." I tell him, and he nods.

"I haven't been able to look at a cat since the one Riley found in that alley when she was five attacked me." He shivers at the memory and I laugh.

Taking a deep breath, I get ready to say what's on my mind, however, as if he had already known what I was going to say, he shrugged, then nodded in surrender.

"If we get an animal or a person, either way we're gonna need a change." He notes, adjusting his tie as he was almost ready for work. "New home?" He asks on his way out.

"New home." I respond. And exactly what I had in mind for what I planned next, little did he know it would change us.

 ***Two Months before Lettie***

Riley, Topanga, and Maya all sat in the Ob's office, waiting for the potential adoptive parents to arrive to my appointment. They had it set up that the parents would come to this appointment, and be a part of the baby's ultrasound. If they were going be the parents, (If Maya chose them), they would want to see their child full screen, heartbeat and movements as reassurance of their child. Today was just getting to know one another, and after this the group would all go to lunch, discussing their plans and options going forward. This was yet another terrifying moment in Maya's pregnancy.

Maya's heart raced at the possibility of them not wanting him or her after she told them that she didn't want to know the gender. She didn't want to feel more attached to the baby than she already was, physical attachment was enough, but to be emotionally attached, it didn't feel fair. Maya was emotionally attached to her dad only to have him ripped out of her life, out of her and her mom's lives, and now much the same with her mom and Shawn. The child should have a home where both parents are together, stability, and mostly, the attention that Maya can't provide. She was doing this not only for her child, but herself.

She hadn't felt this anxious since Riley began meddling in her pregnancy, at least in the parts she knew Maya wouldn't take care of herself. She had even been told by Riley that Riley's parents talking of things, financial, the father of her baby, and how her school life would be affected.

Maya hadn't felt this anxious since the day in the bay window when she had unexpectedly set Lucas down to tell him his life was about to change. That the Huckleberry, horse-riding, animal loving country boy with his whole life served to him on a silver platter (an unfair assumption since she was comparing his life to hers) was about to have his life flipped upside down, destroyed by a careless street urchin who made an un-godly mistake to her mother's dismay, against all wishes to wait.

" _Maya, promise me you'll tell him. Sooner than later, because you're gonna start to show eventually and how are you gonna explain to him that. Because we both know that swallowing watermelon seeds doesn't make them grow in your stomach." Riley pushes her, watching as Maya pushes the food around on her lunch plate._

 _Maya swings her feet back and forth on the bench of the Matthews table, trying to tune out Riley next to her because she hated to admit when even Riley could make sense and be right. She knew that it wasn't fair that she was ten weeks in and still hadn't made the time (actually more like the effort) to tell him. It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to, but more so of her being afraid of history repeating itself. She didn't want to scare Lucas away, but she also didn't want to be the reason he was tied down._

" _Riles, I promise I will before our homecoming." She dismisses._

" _You'd better; Because otherwise it would be an awkward night between you two if he found out before you told him." She jokes, warning also laced into her words._

" _How would he know before I told him. He'd have to hear it from someone or… Hey! Who said we were going to homecoming?! I've been avoiding him for weeks and...Riley?!" The pieces instantly clicked in her head, realizing it was her meddling friend, and though she was annoyed, she secretly felt relief of some kind._

" _I may have told him to ask you, but clearly he hasn't yet?" She infers, realizing her mistake._

" _When did he plan on telling me?" She holds panic back in her voice._

 _Riley's phone buzzes and she looks down, scrolling through her messages with one finger while eating with her other hand, and apologetically smiles at Maya, hesitant to answer her question._

" _Around noon." She finally announces._

 _Maya feels panic and anger bubble up inside her, but when she sees Riley's apologetic face and realizes that even Riley was hopeful that she could do it without saying so, she took a deep breath and her expression went gentle, wrapping her arm around Riley in a side hug._

" _I'm not ready for this." Maya finally says, her voice a mere whimper. "What did you text him?"_

" _Just that there was something you needed to get off your chest."_

 _Maya knew that her pregnancy would eventually become obvious when she was a walking bowling ball. Lately she had been actually losing weight from the constant morning sickness, a lie in its name itself. She had puked behind the bleachers during Lucas' game, and Riley's boyfriend Winston had offered to take her home while Riley stayed until afterwards, making an excuse on why Maya had left._

 _But she knew eventually she would start gaining her weight back, even if right now she was a little bloated despite being sick all the time. And if the constant sickness wasn't a dead give away (which she was surprised even Farkle hadn't put two and two together) she also had the craziest cravings. It wasn't just one specific thing, it was many things, and usually she liked to eat them together._

 _Her favorite combination was applesauce mixed into her Mac and Cheese, because to her it reminded her of her childhood, when she would feed her cousin baby oatmeal, and secretly tried some, instantly loving something about it that she couldn't quite pin. But when her waves of nausea would subside and she felt like she could actually eat, (as opposed to having to force herself to choke down something to keep the baby healthy) she would request her favorite dish. It had gotten to the point where Topanga kept boxes of them in the pantry, along with lots of applesauce, because she knew this was only the beginning, and hoped that eventually this craving would pass onto something much more subtle._

" _Peaches?" Riley coos, making sure that her friend wasn't about to fall apart despite what she had just told her. "Are you sure you don't need my help talking to him?"_

" _No," She breathes out, "This is my responsibility, and if I got pregnant being alone with Lucas, then this shouldn't be any different. You weren't there the first time, so I don't think you should be now."_

" _Plus, you're too precious. So I know you'll be biased, but this is really something I need to talk out with Lucas, and something we both need to admit blame for." Maya adds, wrapping Riley in a hug before returning to pushing her food around her plate, slight nausea teasing her with its presence._

 _Maya suddenly hears Riley's phone buzz again and her heart drops, while Riley's eyes widen before she quietly opens it, glancing at Maya._

" _He's here." She deadpans in a scary, low growl._

 _Maya suddenly didn't feel so independant or brave anymore, climbing the steps to Riley's room as if she had bricks tied to the bottom of her shoes, and when she finally reached the room, her clammy hand struggles to grip the brass door knob. As she opened it her body shook uncontrollably like she was sobbing, a shake that affected her whole body._

 _There he was: His olive skin almost had a gold effect from the rays of light hitting him in certain places on his body as he climbed through the window, and she felt her knees buckle, unsure whether if it was just her nerves or if she was physically attracted to him at that moment. She knew, of course she was attracted to him, but she hadn't expected to feel so weak, and blamed it on the fact that she hadn't seen him in weeks._

 _She swore his gaze instantly dropped to her stomach, tracing the outline of where her bump should be, but she knew she was overthinking. She didn't think he had a clue, that his only indication that it was about them was the fact that they haven't talked about what happened between them that night. There was no closure because Maya hadn't wanted any. She wanted to move on and never speak of it again, but unfortunately it hadn't worked out that way. She knew Lucas better than that, and had felt as if he saw some potential in them, even if she didn't. That was her greatest fear._

" _Huckleberry," She gasps involuntarily, trying to fill the dead air between them as they sit, silence heavy between them._

" _Hey Maya," He answers sweetly, despite the awkwardness of their hiatus from each other. "Riley said there's something important to talk about, and I assume it's not homecoming?" He infers, catching on very quickly by the look on Maya's suddenly pale face._

" _Maya, we can't avoid this forever. This isn't something we can't pretend didn't happen." He begins, and when he saw Maya's hesitance on her face, he continued for her. "Is it? Because Mama said that whenever you get involved with a girl there's always that connection that ties you together. That feelings get messy, especially if it's someone you're close to, and I like to think that's us."_

" _Listen Huckleberry," She finally grumbles under her breath. "There's always going to be unintended consequences to our actions, especially after that. But I'm not here to talk about what we are. I'm talking about who we're going to be going forward. Because our lives got a heck of a lot more complicated."_

 _Lucas looked bewildered, confused, and kind of hurt. He was sure she wanted to break things off, that was who she was. Things got rough and she'd want to run and hide, or just straight up give up because he knew she believed she wasn't good enough. He knew she believed that her mistakes defined her and that she'd never be good enough for anything or anyone. She believed she was just this street urchin of trouble, that history was going to repeat itself so why bother. And it KILLED him that she believed so little of herself._

" _Maya, I really care about you! Heck, I'll say I love…" He was quickly cut off._

" _You don't want anything to do with me, or at least you won't." Maya breathed in heavily, ready to rip the bandage. "Lucas, I'm pregnant." She rambles in one breath, a mess of words as jumbled as she was._

 _His jaw hit the floor, his facial expressions dead but she knew he was spiraling inside, he had to be at least. Because she was and she already knew her life was a mess, and now this silver plattered country boy had just received news from this urchin that she was having his baby. He was now forever tied to a life of poverty if he stayed, and even if he left, he would still leave behind living hell._

" _I understand if you want to leave…" She barely chokes out, getting caught up in the tears that were suddenly pooling in her eyelids._

 _Lucas set his hand on Maya's, rubbing circles on her knuckles with his thumb. "I'm not going anywhere."_

" _You're crazy."_

" _What's crazy is that you'd believe that history is repeating itself and there's nothing you and I can't do. Maya, we have a responsibility. We have a child."_

" _So did my parents, but look how that turned out." She sniffles, wiping the angry tears from her eyes._

" _And they didn't accept it. I'm willing to be here for you, and that's what's different. When our responsibilities get too big, it's up to us to decide whether we run or accept. But either way, we're going to parents. And it's going to be a heck of a lot easier if we start planning how we're going to take this, head on."_

 _Maya felt horrible, Lucas was taking this like a champ and it pained her to realize what he didn't: This child that was going to tie him to her for the rest of their lives._

" _But this child isn't just a responsibility. He or she is a result of our careless actions in which now we get tied together. Not just physically, but emotionally. You can't stay Bucky Mcboing boing, you don't want to be a part of this disaster. This saddle is too big for you to ride."_

" _I prefer, 'beautiful mess'." He lightheartedly smiles, rubbing her back reassuringly. "And Maya, I want to be a part of your life, not because we're somehow 'tied', but by choice. I love you, and I know you don't believe it. But through thick and thin, you don't just leave someone you love or care about. And I believe God has purpose."_

" _How can I believe you when my mom made that same promise to my dad?" Maya snaps, turning her body coldly from his grasp._

" _Because we're not your parents, and that can't be determined by one mistake. Maya, have you considered adoption?" He asks her._

" _Well, yes, but it would feel like I'm giving up too easily." She mutters, clearly wanting to be done with this horrible day._

" _Adoption isn't giving up, it's giving. Giving the baby a better chance with a more stable environment, giving someone the gift of life. But if you don't want to consider adoption and want to keep the baby, that's perfectly fine. You just need to know what we're getting into."_

 _Lucas was really wise, and a well rounded kid. A baby would only make it more difficult for him to achieve his dreams and she felt guilty for that, so she felt that adoption was the only option for them both. She wanted the baby to be happy, Lucas to feel like he was free to leave, and she would just watch from the back, hoping that life would eventually come together._

" _Maya? I hope you know that you're not a burden and neither is this child. He or she didn't ask for this to happen, but you can't just sit in the background hoping and wishing that this will all go away. Heck, do you think I want to be here discussing this, when I could be out on a date with you instead?"_

 _How did he know everything. It just confirmed that he was perfect and that his life was served on a silver platter. He didn't realize that their parents wouldn't just take care of everything, that everything in life had to be worked for, and here he was, sure that they could take care of the baby._

" _Why would moral compass like you want a baby with a street urchin like me?" She blatantly asked._

" _Because I'm human, so I'm not un-immune from making mistakes! And is that how you really think of yourself? Because then what am I, a silver platter, spoon fed child?" He stopped when Maya's expression went blank, awkwardly looking at her with horror in his eyes. "You think I don't know the struggle. That my life was perfect before coming here and meeting you?"_

" _But your father didn't leave you, and you're mom didn't kick you out. You don't seem to understand why I feel a little hesitant towards trusting you when you've had your momma and dad all your life." She snarls, the hormones raging in a way that Lucas had never seen before._

 _And truthfully, it made him angry to see her treat herself this way. He will always jump to her defense, no doubt, but it killed him that she didn't see enough in herself to think that she would ever be good enough for him. He hated the term 'Good enough', because that's not what he looked for in a partner._

 _He looked for someone to love and give his all to, to him love wasn't about finding someone to better your ego, or to deem 'good enough' because love was open to anyone and everyone deserves to feel loved. Not being good enough for Lucas was ridiculous._

 _He wanted Maya because he loved her despite what had happened to her. He wanted to show her that was okay to hope for things, and it killed him that she didn't trust him enough to break down her walls so that he could do so. Not being good enough sounded like an ego thing, and it hurt him to think that she felt like she couldn't have Lucas because she felt broken. There was no 'good enough', because finding a partner was to find a life friend, to help each other and better each other, not to find someone you're better than, or think you can only be with because of social status._

 _Lucas had to help Maya realize her worth, prove to her that he wasn't going anywhere because he loved her and she wasn't alone. That she didn't have to feel alone because he was her friend and boyfriend. They were there for each other through bad and the worst, on this journey, he had finally felt like he had found his companion. Not only did she bring out the good in him and help keep him grounded, he had hoped to do the same for her._

" _Maya, stop with the 'never good enough'.! You can't possibly believe that you're not worth as much as you are and it hurts me that you don't trust me or that I'll…" He pauses, suddenly caught off guard. "Your mom kicked you out?" His voice softens, and she nods._

" _She found the pregnancy test and had a meltdown. I mean, technically I left, but that's because I didn't think she'd want the burden, especially after all the mean things she said." She stares blankly at the floor._

" _She'll come around Maya, you'll just have to give her time. You're her only daughter, and she knows how it feels to feel like you've just been given up on. She wants what's best for you."_

" _And throwing me out on the street is what's best?" She snaps incredulously._

" _No, but she knows how it feels to have to grow up real quick. Just give her some space to wrap her head around it."_

" _What if she doesn't come back around?" Maya fearfully asks, hesitance in her voice._

" _She loves you Maya, just not the choices you made. And if she can't see that, then she's not really doing what's best for you, but herself. Our mistakes don't define us, and you can't stop loving someone because of that."_

" _So then why did my dad leave?" She challenges him, hate in her small voice._

" _Because he wasn't ready to take on the responsibility of being a husband and father, and couldn't see past the bad to get to the good. That's love Maya; Seeing past the trouble to help them find their good. And I fully intend on staying with you Maya, because you are my good. Even though our path got a little rough, I'm committed to you Maya, and I'm committed to this child."_

 _Maya felt her stomach twist and heart skip a beat. She knew deep down he really loved her, and he had told her a million times only to have it brushed off, a sheepish smile and rosy blush covering her face every time he would insist. But it wasn't until now that she was willing to believe it, because actions always meant more than words until now._

" _Maya, I promise. I'd walk with you to the ends of the earth to help you realize what you're worth. And this baby isn't going to change a thing, because love is for the ups and the downs."_

 _He takes her hands in his, lifting her chin to meet her eyes and her gaze comes to meet his. She shifts a little bit, but when he grabs her arms to pull her into a hug she lets go, her tension, the fear, the apprehension of everything fades away momentarily. She takes in the sweet smell of his cologne and focuses on that. Her doctor had always said that when in a spell of nausea, focus on something that soothes you. The same applied for this._

" _I fell in love with your roots, not just the rose I saw on the outside. When we started dating I wanted to dig deeper to find them. All I ask is that you take the leap and trust me. I'm not going anywhere." He affirms and she quietly giggles, never seeing this romantic, cheesy side of Lucas._

" _What?" He asks self-consciously._

" _Nothing." She smiles, letting herself relax even more into his grasp._

Maya was shaken from her daydream by the waiting room receptionist calling her name, and she stood hesitantly, feeling her stomach twist into a knot. The life changing decision she had to make was completely optional. She hadn't needed to decide on adoption but she and Lucas weighed out the consequences, and Topanga had also sat them down to create a simulation budget on how much it would cost the first year of raising a child. Neither of them had jobs, not many people in the city would want hire fifteen year olds with no experience, but Topanga told them to look harder.

"Peaches, are you okay?" Riley noticed Maya's pale expression and hesitance towards walking in.

"I'm just nervous to meet the parents. But I'm positive this is best, so that makes it a little easier." She reassures Riley, trying not to have a mini breakdown in the waiting room.

"Remember Maya, life is about choices; It's up to you to choose the right one because this isn't just about affecting your life anymore, but the parents, the baby, and even Lucas'." She grabs Maya's hand in hers while they walk in.

Maybe it wasn't the words that Maya wanted to hear, but definitely needed to. She had been conflicted on what not only she felt was the right thing, but struggling with what she and Lucas wanted moving forward. She had heard multiple times that the mom ultimately had rights, it was her decision. But she could fathom making a decision on her own, because Katy's decisions had affected her whole life, and not necessarily always for the better.

Maya knew this was what she wanted. Growing up she had longed to fit into the social norm of families, where her mom and dad were together. Where she would come home to school and her parents shortly after, whatever degrees they had from college being put to use. She longed for family dinners like they had at the Matthews, where they sit down and talk about their days, where they hold hands and pray before they eat. And when they were finished, they would all clean up together, then return to the couch for tv before bed. On school nights she imagined having her mother or dad helping with homework.

But she knew there was no such thing as a perfect family, she only longed for what the Matthews had, or had given her. She wanted her baby to grow up in a loving home, where there was no question that the dad would leave or the mom would be working countless hours solely for the purpose because she couldn't support him or her. She wanted better.

She wanted what she knew she couldn't give them. She knew she was too young and too selfish to ever be as dedicated as her mother was to help their struggle. She wanted the kid to grow up with both parents around, never questioning if their mom would be home or if their dad would be there to cook dinner. She was extremely grateful though, because it was her mom who had worked for Maya to be accepted into school, for Maya to have the things she had, and even if she wished her mom was around more, she was thankful sometimes that she wasn't, because it was then that the Matthews stepped into their assumed role as her "Second Family".

"Are you ready, Maya?" Dr. Jermaine asked as she set up the machine, shaking the bottle of gel upside down to squeeze out whatever was stuck to the sides and bottom.

Maya tucked her paper cloth into the waistband of her underwear, shifting to get more comfortable, then grabbed Riley's hand, squeezing it as if it was her rock.

"Um, of course." She nervously nodded her on, forgetting that they were waiting on the parents, until of course, they burst into the room in a hurry, huffing as if they had ran all the way there.

The were nice people, at least that was the judgement Maya made from the profile the social worker had showed her when they had been looking for a family. They had two little girls already, and suffered from secondary infertility. They had so badly wanted a third, and despite Maya really wanting to give someone who hadn't even had a first child their child, she was persuaded by the fact that they seemed like a cute little, loving, family that had it together. They were after all, experienced, and it had, from the looks of it, seemed like the had done a good job.

The wife was dermatologist at the office downtown New York, while the husband finished up going back to college for Special Education. They seemed right, a couple who had been together to support each other through his decision to go back to school. But little did she know that judging the book by the cover wasn't the best thing. Because even a couple that was seemingly perfect, had their struggles deep down, just like everyone else.

"Hey Maya," The husband exclaimed in a rather chill tone of voice, "I'm Jeff and this is my wife, Kirstin." He reaches out to shake her hand, making her rather uncomfortable as she lay, bare bellied on the table.

Topanga walked over and shook their hands, escorting them towards the hall briefly so she could overview the appointment, and their expectations for the day.

"Riles," Maya nervously shakes, subconsciously searching for her hand again.

"You're not second guessing yourself, are you Maya? Because it's your decision, and you need to stick to your intuition. Do what you feel you want even if it hurts, because the right decision and the best one aren't always the same thing." She reminds Maya of her determination early on to make the best decision for her baby, because adoption wasn't alway right for everyone.

Maya trusted that she was making the best decision for the baby. After all, adoption wasn't what was right for everyone in her situation, but in this given one she felt like it was best. At least, for the time being that was how she felt.

"Shall we do the ultrasound, then?" Dr. Jermaine merely suggests, trying not to rudely interrupt.

Doctor Jermaine begins, searching the wand over Maya's stomach and searching for the heartbeat. The rapid palpitation of the baby's heart filled the silent room, and Maya once again felt relief that he or she was alive. She already like she had been a big failure in her life, and not giving this couple the baby she had promised would only make things worse.

"Maya, have you changed your mind on knowing the gender?" Doctor Jermaine turned to her, watching as the potential adoptive parents eye gleamed with hope.

"No, I wouldn't." She informs her surely, watching as Kirstin's mood changed from hopeful back to neutral. "But if it affects how my baby will be adopted, then they can know."

Kirstin smiles gratefully while Jeff whispers into her ear, nodding for the doctor to let them know. Dr. Jermaine knew deep inside this is not what she wanted, and she felt bad that Maya felt weak in her own adoption, so she did her best as a doctor that she could to help Maya feel more comfortable.

"Maya, could you please turn so I could look for the gender." She informs her, and when Maya inquisitively looked at her, she laughed. "We don't want you to get a sneak peek. So we'll take a look then show the parents." Dr. Julie Jermaine smiles, and Maya mouths a silent 'thank you'.

"Really? Are you sure?" Jeff holds an uncomfortable disappointment in his tone, and Maya felt as if she already knew.

"Jeff, I guess there's alway next time for the shot at having our finished family. But what are the ladies at book club going to say." She groans fearfully, just loud enough for Maya to hear despite her back being turned.

Maya couldn't believe what she had just heard. It was so blunt, so shocking, and so rudely said that she couldn't believe she would ever hear that from anyone, especially people who had hoped to adopt. Because when you were adopting you weren't looking to make a perfect family. You were looking to open your heart and home to another being despite their background.

"Okay, why don't we talk in the hall about this while Julie finishes up talking to Maya." Topanga tries to break up the tension, leading them out into the hall.

Maya turns to Doctor Jermaine, ashamed that she couldn't even give the family what they wanted, a boy. She had a gut feeling they were looking to finish their family with a little boy, because they already had two girls. She knew some people were still locked up in old times where if they didn't have at least one of each, it wasn't complete.

"Doctor Jermaine," Maya whispers on the verge of tears, "I've disappointed. How can I give up my daughter knowing that she wasn't really wanted. Even if they grow on her, are they going to resent me, or even her for not being the boy that they wanted?"

"Maya, this isn't your fault. Not every family you see as potential for your baby is going to be a match. And if they truly want this baby, they'll come around. Because a happy, complete family shouldn't matter because you got the gender you wanted. It's the feeling of love and contentment, gratefulness for what you have. Don't beat yourself up because they can't see that."

Maya knew she was right, and if the parents were going to be that picky on their child, they weren't loving her for her. They were too fixed on little things like gender or looks to realize that it wasn't these things that completed a family. She wanted a family that could give her love, even if the road was rocky, the path difficult.

It was then that it hit her: Was she doing this for the baby, or herself because she thought it would help her fit in with the social norms? That was, if you were a pregnant teenage you would need to give the baby up for adoption if you ever hoped to succeed. Had Maya only been doing this to please other people, instead of for the baby, because she thought that was how it was supposed to be. Just like Kirstin and Jeff thinking that they couldn't complete their family because society deemed it imperfect not to have one of each, she felt like her life was assumed to be screwed because of a baby.

She knew the consequences of keeping the baby, that she and Lucas had discussed. But the one thing they didn't mention was if they were really willing to actually put in the effort to raise the baby if they kept him or her. They knew that he or she wasn't a burden, but life would become very difficult. But were they willing to take on the challenge?

It wouldn't be easy, but they had each other, they had the opportunity to apply for jobs and life wouldn't just be handed on a silver platter, but they would do the best they could to make sure the baby was happy and healthy. They would do their best so that history wouldn't necessarily repeat itself but they would learn from their mistakes. So the only thing Maya could do is talk to Lucas, and she did later that night, reiterating her points, trying to convince him she wasn't just make a rash decision off of hormones or one bad, failed adoption. That she truly believed in something for once and she wanted him to support it like he always said he would.

"Dr. Julie, I'm not going to chose them as the parents." She boldly informs her.

"That's okay Maya. We don't always find the right things on our first tries." Dr. Jermaine informs her.

"No, I mean… I want to keep my daughter. And the gender doesn't affect why, in fact if it was a boy, I'd still want him. Because anyone who is searching just for something to complete their picture perfect family isn't truly looking to expand it out of love."

"That's an interesting and sometimes true point. But do whatever feels right for you Maya, and never out of hate."

"They probably are good people, but I just don't think they're the right ones."

Maya couldn't wait to tell Lucas, even if it would take him back a little bit, especially so close to her due date. But he had always encouraged her, along with Riley, to do things not just for herself, because her choices sometimes affected everyone. But she knew that what she was feeling was okay, and was thankful to have God bring these wrong parents into her life so she could know exactly what she didn't want: A family that was formed based off of norms.

"You want to keep the baby?" Topanga deadpans, surprised by her sudden change of heart. "You don't want to keep looking? Because Maya, sweetheart, we need to not just jump into this because of one bad experience."

"Positive. It's best I decide this know before she comes and not the day of."

"Well, did the simulation bank account lesson mean nothing to you?!" Topanga asks incredulously, startling Maya. "You know they're going to be heartbroken! But I suppose," She finally sighs, "This is truly about yours and Lucas' and the baby's life, and what's best for you all. So I'll support you, even if I don't necessarily agree with it."

"You're not going to try to talk me out of it, or blame it on the hormones?" Maya asks cautiously.

"No sweetheart, but you better get a plan going because you and Lucas only have two months left." She warns her before Maya embraces her.


	4. Labor of Love

***Three Weeks Before Lettie***

"Am I going to be the Godmother?" Riley, who had been given the news that Maya was going to keep the baby weeks ago, was just letting the news finally settle in when she decided to ask the question.

"Well…" Maya jokingly begins to ponder, "Seeing that I couldn't possibly have anyone else in contention, I guess so." She smiles and Riley laughs, throwing herself around Maya.

Lucas sat across from Maya and Riley on the kitchen bench, flipping through the baby names book that they had checked out from the library. He and Maya had dove into this full force not immediately, but once it sunk in that they were going to be parents. Lucas and Maya had discussed having Godparents, and Riley and Farkle were came to mind. But as great as it would be to have their friends be it, they kind of wanted another candidate: Cory and Topanga.

"How about Allie Jane? That's a good, strong southern name." Lucas remarks, turning the book so that Maya could read.

"Listen Ranger Rick; No baby of mine is going to be a Huckleberry, cattle wrangling, bull riding, cowgirl. This is New York, where there's streets full of people saying, 'Get outta here!' not 'Yee-haw!' and square dancing." She teases, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pointing him to a name in her book.

"So, how about Hazel? It's strong but short, and sounds amazing with Hart." She reverts the subject back to names.

"She's not going to be a Friar?" He implies, jokingly sulking.

"We'll compromise; Hazel Hart-Friar."

"Friar-Hart." He corrects her, before changing his mind from her threatening glare. "Not important right now." He directs his attention back to their focus.

Maya looks from her book, scrolling through the computer simultaneously as she searches for job applications. She and Lucas had less than a month to figure out their jobs, their financial situations, how they would support this child. They had nothing so far, and searched near and far for supplies at thrift stores.

Lucas' mom, who had been in the picture for only a few months now, had immediately taken a liking to Maya, the adorable young girl who made her son happy. And for Maya's side, her mother had refused to rekindle with her, and Shawn would occasionally slip twenties into Maya's pockets when he visited the Matthews. She didn't understand why he would do that, but couldn't talk her mom into considering forgiveness

Her mom was going to miss her grandchild, seeing her thrive, watching Maya grow as a person and mother as well. She had broken the promise she and Maya had made to each other to always stay together, even if they couldn't find happiness.

Suddenly Maya felt her hand drop to her stomach, clenched in a fist of pain. Her uterus felt as if it had been sent through a wringer, then flipped inside out. It wasn't super painful, but it was certainly uncomfortable. She let out an involuntary gasp, drawing attention to herself from Lucas and Riley.

"Are you okay, Peaches?" Riley fearfully turns to her, rubbing her hand up and down her back.

"False alarm; Just a little tightening sensation under my stomach." She reassures them with a timid smile, unsure really herself.

They went back to looking through the parenting books, reading on names and their meanings, and tips and facts on what to expect through pregnancy, and how to handle it. Topanga had bought the "What to Expect when you're Expecting" book the week after Maya had told her she was pregnant, and it had become a bible to the young girl.

So she flipped through the pages, reading up on how false labor contractions were different than those that were actually progressive in the process of birthing her child. She read that the false contractions would subside with a glass of water or movement, and when Maya had stood up to get a glass of water, the only pressure she had felt was that of her bladder.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom." She announces, noticing that neither Lucas nor Riley look up from the research.

She waddles over to the staircase landing, grabbing the railing to climb up when they hit again, but this time a little more firmly. She was winded, more from the sudden rattle in her rib cage from the baby's kick, but was still petrified that this was happening. She hadn't felt such an abrasive kick, and that was on top of the dull cramping she was having.

" _If you have more than three braxton hicks in one hour, please don't hesitate to come in to get checked, because there could be something wrong." Dr. Jemaine had informed her at the last appointment._

"Oh no," She mutters, fearful that this was happening.

She was thirty-seven weeks pregnant exactly, and though the survival rate was almost certain at this point she had hoped her little baby girl would bake longer, preferably until she and Lucas were at least a little settled in and feel ready, though they were told you can never truly be ready for this. So she sat on the steps and began to panic, feeling anxiety bubbling up in her chest, the world spinning from beneath her feet. Motherhood was a cliff she was preparing to jump, but she was afraid of leaving solid ground, the thought only antagonizing her anxiety further.

Her breathing quickened with her heartbeat, and she couldn't see straight from the tears free falling from her sparkling blue eyes. She wanted nothing more for this to stop and for her baby to reassure her that it would be okay with a kick or a roll. But she didn't budge and neither did Maya, and it was single handedly the second scariest part of her pregnancy.

"Peanut?" She began, hoping to get a reaction from the sound of her voice. "Baby Mcboing, boing? It's your momma. And I'm just here to tell you that your daddy and I pray for you on the daily. That you'll grow up strong and healthy, knowing that we love you and only want what's best."

Maya pauses nervously, talking to the baby only make her slightly less uneasy, but usually it was Lucas who got a reaction out of her by talking. And Lucas loved talking to her, especially when Maya was curled into his lap on the couch, his hand over her stomach and him leaning into it as if he had secrets to share.

"Anyways, I've been writing journal entries for you, and even though we're not giving you up for adoption, I want you to know how much we loved and still love you, even now here, in my womb."

She had a million things going through her head, but the main one was wondering how ready she really was for the baby. If she was coming today, would she be ready? As pathetic as it sounded she begged her baby to stay in, even though she knew that soon her life would be outweighed from the bad with the joy of her baby, the light of her life.

"What do you think, Peanut? We need a name for you, especially since you seem to be wanting to make an untimely appearance." She waits for a kick, and still doesn't receive any indication that the baby was listening.

"Your daddy and I can both agree that in all the darkness around us, you've brought light into our complicated and somewhat dark situation. Even with a rocky start to your life, you've still seemed to bring a sort of gladness and comfort back to me. But Peanut, please stay in there, because you still have a little while to bake yet. Please do that for us, would you?"

It was like Peanut had heard her plea but didn't care, because as soon as Maya had began to sigh and stand up defeated, her uterus clenched itself in again, and she clutched the railing, crying out this time in actual, sharp pain, unlike any dull one she had been having before.

"Maya? What's going on?" She felt a familiar, warm, but calloused hand on her back. It was Cory's, only a dry hand she could recognize from all the days spent at the chalkboard.

"Mr. Matthews, I think this is it." Her voice wavered and he helped her sit.

 **Riley's POV**

Maya and I sat in the waiting room while my mother was with Laci, talking to her doctor. Apparently if things didn't slow down or they got worse, Laci wouldn't be discharged, so hopefully things were looking up for her so that she could go home. Nothing for her baby was ready, and the parents that were adopting the baby lived in Tennessee, Laci's hometown, promising that they would hop on the soonest flight if things didn't change, so they could be there to support Laci through labor, and watch their son or daughter be born.

"Maya?" I lean my head on her shoulder as she's slumped on the waiting room couch.

"Are you doing okay, Peaches?" She had a certain look of sadness on her face and obviously Lettie could see and feel it too, because she sleepily yawned before tears fell from her rounded cheeks.

Maya had been abnormally quiet since we've arrived and while we could usually gauge each other so well, I feel that we've had a certain distance between us since she's started mentoring Laci.

We have since reconciled after our mini argument over what was best moving forward, because I knew Maya was getting too attached to Laci. I've been feeling a certain way towards her lately, not hate, but distance because I feared that Laci would never talk to Maya again after this. Not on purpose, but my mom said social work and new adoptive family placement could mean Laci moving far away.

The last time we had an argument over Maya's well being, it was when I had found out Lucas was the father and only wanted to support her. She pushed me away because she knew that the promise that we'd all still be friends after Lucas' and my breakup was broken. She didn't feel like there was any coming back from that because having a baby in the mix would make it awkward. But at the end of the day we have a strong bonded friendship that we're more than hopeful for. Being hopeful was for relationships, not friendships, because we were forever, thick and thin.

"I'm worried about Laci. I mean, she's the strongest, bravest teenager who was about to become a mom I've ever met. She knows what she wants, she's selfless, and she's giving the gift of life to a couple who can't have a child on their own."

"Does it bring back memories?" I ask, inferring the question to their given scenery.

"It definitely brings mixed feelings. Not regret for not giving her up, just guilt. I thought I was ready, that I could take on the world for the benefit of my child. That anything life would throw at me in the next year and so after she was born I would take on for her. I thought I could give her what she needed, but what she needs is realism, not some teen who thought love would be enough."

She sighs, bouncing Lettie up and down and watching as her frown turned into a toothy smile. It was those little moments of joy she knew she couldn't live without, but what if she had been someone else's child to enjoy? Was her reasoning behind revoking the adoption selfish, she'd often ask me.

"It just feels selfish, because I feel like I might have held Lettie back from something wonderful. From a family that wasn't as broken as I feel. I mean, Laci has all the selfless reasons behind the adoption, and it's her incentive towards sticking to what she wants, not only for her baby, but moving forward."

Lettie growls under her breath, bubbles forming on her small baby lips, the look on her face raging with hunger. Maya pulls a blanket out from the diaper bag, pulling down her bra straps and replacing her bareness with a blanket across her chest. She lays Lettie back in her arms and she takes to nursing like a champ. Maya had been working on weaning her, but with the unexpected hospital trip, this was more convenient.

"Maya, you are not selfish because you don't feel like you have a good reason for not putting her up for adoption. This was a choice you and Lucas discussed, and what you saw fit for you guys. Laci's circumstances may be different than yours, but it doesn't make your decision less valid."

Grabbing Maya's hand, I place it under mine, smiling reassuringly at Maya. I could see the bags under her eyes from worrying so much, working many hours at the deli downtown, and just overall everything. But as life was feeling like it was slipping, Maya held on, fighting. She may feel like she had selfish motives sometimes, but Maya was after, only human.

"Riles, I denied Lettie a better life because one couple we met didn't feel like a good fit. Things didn't work out, life got a little tough, and I ran with my thoughts without thinking how it would affect anyone else or their futures."

"Maya, giving birth doesn't automatically make you a mother, but someone who loves unconditionally even when things get rough; Someone who sacrifices, and is determined to do what's best for others before yourself." I inform her and Maya blankly stares at me, unsure how to respond, so she lets me go on.

"So giving birth to Lettie didn't mean anything other than the title 'mom'. It's your actions that define you as her mother. Not giving her up was a decision you had to make as her mother. You've had to sacrifice a lot for her! But just because you feel like you can't necessarily give her was the adoptive parents could've, doesn't make your decision to keep her selfish. And knowing you, I'm trusting that you made the decision to keep her because you wanted what's best and you see fit, even if it doesn't alway feel like that."

Maya looked like she knew I was right. The adoption in the end hadn't been revoked solely because she didn't want to give it another chance, but she was scared to trust the created life inside her would find a home, or be happy, or that the baby would even resent her. She decided having the baby gave a certain peace of mind, a comfort in knowing she was having another being to love and take care of. Maya liked feeling like she had control in this one situation when everything else was beyond hers. Especially life at home.

She wanted to believe that history didn't always repeat itself and she could show her baby girl that love was the most important thing, that it didn't matter if they didn't have a lot. These are the things she had told me of many times, during late night mental breakdowns she would have, when she cried for Laci, cried for Lettie and Lucas, spilled her regrets and guilt out to me. But having Lettie or meeting me, or Laci was never on that list. Being a bad friend, being with Lucas, I knew she felt terrible about, but good came from bad and now we have Lettie.

"Are you worried about Laci?" I ask, trying to change the focus back on the reason we're sitting in the hospital.

"My fear for her isn't solely just based on seeing her through labor, but the decisions she has to make afterwards. She's strong and I'm positive she'll stick to her intuition, but how will she be emotionally and mentally, once the adoption becomes reality?"

"Maya, I've got no doubt in my mind that Laci knows what she's doing is right, even if it hurts. She's strong and selfless Maya, we could all learn from that."

"But is she going to feel regret or guilt for it later? Is she going to be able to forgive herself later on if she feels regret or like she didn't make the right choice?"

I instantly pick up on Maya's body language, realizing quickly that she's not just talking about Laci anymore, but herself. Through these last eleven months with Lettie I know she's struggled with forgiveness, regret and guilt. She's had a hard time with depression because of it, and we all saw her mentoring Laci as a good thing, because she had someone of the same experience to connect with.

Ever since Laci had come into our lives we saw nothing but happiness in both of them when they hung out, and they would definitely do anything for each other. Maya was learning to become more selfless, especially since she had other people in her life. Maya would fight for the ones she loved any day, and for her and Laci, or Lettie and my family, so would I.

"Maya, there's nothing to feel guilty about, why can't you just forgive yourself?"

Just then my mother interrupts us. She walks with her business casual suit sweaty and in her heels, clicking and growing louder as she comes closer. She stands behind the couch with both hands on the back. She sets a hand on Maya's head and coos at Lettie who catches my mom behind her. Lettie giggles with excitement and my mom teases back. How was it that she could be in such a calm mood, especially after being called at work about Laci?

"Maya? Laci is far enough along where they think they're going to keep her overnight, and not try to stop the contractions."

"How is she handling?" Maya worries.

"She's a champ. But if she doesn't go into active labor by tomorrow afternoon, they're sending her home. Which is what I wanted to talk to you about." My mom sets her hand on Maya's shoulder, gesturing for her to stand up and follow her down the hall, into Laci's room.

Maya had apprehension in her eyes, afraid to follow my mother because she knew this couldn't possibly be good if my mom didn't want to talk about it in front of me. Either that, or the fact that I was too overly optimistic, or could spoil a surprise. It worried me and I wasn't even the one mentoring Laci, but she was still considered a friend we more than happily welcomed into our small family like friend group. We were close knit and adding Laci to the group was important because we loved making new friends and we certainly loved Laci.

 **Laci's POV**

Mrs. Matthews has been by my side non-stop since I started having contractions at eight last night. We had a very important conversation on what to expect during labor, and after the baby came. The legal concepts were falling into place for the adoptions, however, I still had no place to go afterwards. Mike and Susan have no idea I'm here and I don't want anyone to tell them. I'll gather my things once I'm released and find refuge somewhere else. If they don't want me there because my baby isn't making them money, then they don't deserve us at all.

"Laci," Mrs. Matthews acknowledged me after the nurse was done checking for change.

"We're going to have to talk about your living arrangements afterwards. You can't keep avoiding talking about it because we need to know how you feel in order to help you and your sisters to the best of our have your court case in ten days, and having a baby within the next couple days might throw a wrench into things."

Tracing the pattern on my gown, I avoid locking eyes with Topanga. She was no doubt a great lawyer, but she didn't specialize in adoption cases, so she could only help me with so much. The research, the best law offices in New York, and she would be moral support in my case. But even then there was only so much she could do.

"There's no point. He or she will be here soon, I'll find a place to stay until the case is over, and when we lose, maybe I'll be invited back to Mike and Susan's." I bitterly remind her, and she shakes her head.

"It hurts me that you lack confidence in both this case and yourself. You are worth so much more than the mistakes you've made tell you so, and me and Cory, and even your social worker are all behind you as a support system. Give us a chance, please Laci?"

There wasn't time to answer because suddenly my uterus tightened and my stomach was firm. I winced, feeling the most uncomfortable wave of pain in my life. It wasn't that I wasn't expecting the contraction, it had been slowly building on itself from other mini waves that came and went. However, I hadn't prepared myself for how painful they were eventually going to be because up until that point I had figured they were mostly braxton hicks, and rolling over was going to help.

Relief and fear both washed over me when the nurse came in later to tell me I was early labor. One side of me was telling me that this was all going to be over soon, and the other side of me knew that a long and painful road was ahead. My whole body broke out into shakes when I realized this wasn't going to go away, the same moment the nurse came in and told me it was early labor. Topanga held my hand, trying to help me relax and Maya sat at the end of the bed, rubbing my legs as reassurance.

"We're going to have to start Pitocin around midnight if your contractions don't intensify, and you don't dilate anymore." Nurse Schroeder informs me as she wraps heart and contraction monitors around my abdomen. "But we're just going to check to see if the baby is effaced, and hopefully strip your membranes."

My heart starts to race, fearful from the idea of this becoming any scarier than it had to be. I've heard Pitocin horror stories about nurses cranking it up to help labor go by faster so they could get it over with, but also the contractions were supposed to be _extremely_ painful, even more so than without. Next to me Maya could sense my fear, because as the nurse was about to check me she grabbed for my hand, talking to me to keep my attention away from the fact that she downstairs with a scraper.

"Maya, I don't know if I can do this; I'm way less prepared than I thought for the pain."

"I'm going to need you to promise me one thing: If you can't do this for yourself, do it for this baby. Because we are always stronger than we think, not only physically, but mentally."

"I'm conflicted by my fear of needles, and my fear of pain. I'm going to see that epidural needle and pass out, but if I don't get it, it's gonna be worse." I whisper, embarrassed from feeling so weak and vulnerable.

"Laci, it's a proven fact when your body is exhausted, your mind is the one that can keep it to keep going. Because even though you're physically ready, mentally you can keep going. Same with runners; Their bodies are exhausted but mentally it's a bigger battle because their minds can keep them going long after their ready to give up."

Truthfully I was more worried about the pain than the adoption, and that made me feel really bad. But I really wanted to focus on the problem we had right now, bringing this baby into the world safely, and not worry what was going to happen afterwards, even though it has been a looming thought in my head all night. Maya warned me the emotional toll labor had, but she couldn't be anything except an ear to listen after the baby was adopted because she had never been through this. She chose to withdraw from adoption and she's told me she's had her ups and downs, but for me this is easy.

When the baby is taken away from me and given to the parents who have longed for one for so long, relief will flood over me. Intense relief, and sadness, and happiness, a certainty that he or she won't have to live the life of uncertainty my sisters and I faced. It was good to give her a better shot at life, and for me to focus on finishing school and help stabilize my own living situation.

"Laci, adoption isn't for everyone, but just because it wasn't for me, doesn't mean you will have the same or similar experience. Everyone has a different reason for choosing adoption or not, and there doesn't have to be some big problem or reason for you to have to or no. The fact that you just want to do what's best for everyone is enough."

Maya had a point, there didn't have to be a big reason like rape, or bad living situations for me to want to give my baby a different home. The fact that I was doing this because I knew it was best was enough. I'm only fifteen: I can't be a mom, and be in foster care, and juggle life. It wouldn't be fair to him or her, and I was not going to keep him or her knowing that Mike and Susan were only letting us stay for the benefits of giving us a home.

Don't get me wrong; Forever will I be thankful that God led me and Maya together, that I was given the opportunity to have Topanga help represent me, or find my baby a home. That even if we had just found the parents to adopt the baby, that we were going into, both of us for the benefit of the baby. The parents to give him or her a home, and me, wanting a better life for my child because even if I'm the biological mother and love them greatly, it doesn't change that I can't take care of the baby.

"We're going to be by your side through it all, birth and afterwards. Because your story doesn't end after the baby is born and adopted. Life is a book, and every page you turn brings a new adventure and we're not going to stop until we find your ending to this chapter." Mrs. Matthews reminds me, sitting in the corner of the room rummaging through her paperwork.

"Mrs. Matthews, not every book has a happy ending." Pessimistically, I frown.

"Right, but I can guarantee we'll fight for you right until the end. God will bring us to a brighter, new chapter." She smiles, standing up and following the lawyer that greeted her outside the door, asking for her.

Maya now sat next to me on the bed, curling up between me and the railing, setting her head on my shoulder for reassurance that she wasn't leaving. She looked as if she was pondering her thoughts, worry heavy on her mind, though I didn't know about what. But I could tell she didn't want to burden anyone with it, and she was very selfless, she didn't want to ruin this big day with her problems. So instead of asking I try to make conversation about something else.

"Hey Maya?" Trying to draw her attention from her thoughts, I shake her gently.

"What's up, Laci? Is everything okay? Do you need anything?" She seemed suddenly frightened, and I smile, shaking my head.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to tell me about your experience. What it was like for you when Lettie was born. You know, maybe a little bit of what to expect, how it felt."

"Sure, Laci; But not every experience is the same, and definitely not mine." She replied gently and expression relaxes, smirking a bit.

 ***Lettie's birth***

Cory had called Topanga at work during a meeting, leaving a panicked voicemail only Cory Matthews could make seem like life or death. He was a father to two after all, and you'd think that after doing this twice he'd act a little more calm and reasonable. Maya had been having consistent contractions, though they weren't getting closer, were coming exactly seven minutes apart, thirty seconds long each. Once again they headed towards the hospital, anticipation heavy as they longed to find or if this time they would stay.

"Mr. Matthews, can you please step on it! This has been the fourth yellow light you stopped at, when you clearly could have made it." Maya grumbles, tense and ornery from the contractions.

"Does having a baby automatically mean you get your license too? Because I didn't realize you were so experienced in both!" Cory facetiously retorts.

Maya ignored him, concentrating on her breathing through another contraction whilst squeezing Cory's free hand like her life depended on it. She had been feeling off all morning, nothing too painful at first, but slowly and surely escalating into what she was sure was labor and not braxton hicks. Topanga had told her that most first time moms did not go into labor on their own, or not as early as Maya had, but because of Maya's size and the fact that the baby wasn't growing anymore, she was uncomfortable and they had planned to induce her anyways, at least until Lettie had decided to come on her own.

Maya had paced around the Matthews' apartment earlier that same day, hands on hips and head tilted back, breathing through the mild discomfort she had felt, not enough to call Topanga yet, but bringing concern to her because she was a first time mom after all, and didn't know what real labor was like, despite being told she would. She had texted Lucas, knowing that if she told Riley that Riley would panic, and she needed everyone to be calm.

Maya decided that sitting on the couch and putting her feet up would help ease her uneasiness. Her doctor had said that if they were false, that drinking water and putting her feet up would help ease them. She instantly decided that was what she would do, taking her mind off of the baby to type a paper that was due, at least until she felt a small trickle between her legs.

' _Great, I probably peed myself again.'_ She grumbles to herself, frustrated that in the last few weeks she wasn't able to control when or where she would go because of the pressure on her bladder.

Maya stood up, getting ready to climb the stairs when she felt it trickle more down her leg, the fluid not stopping and she instantly realized that she probably wasn't just peeing. She usually would only go a little bit, just enough to fill a liner, but not enough for concern. And usually it only happened when she was walking too much or sneezed.

' _I think my water just broke!'_ Her thoughts suddenly race, looking down to see a small puddle of fluid at her feet, and a dark spot on her leggings. With fluid trickling down her legs she waddled to the kitchen table, grabbing her phone to first text Riley, hoping that she would relay the message to Cory. As she glanced at the clock, just quarter after twelve, she realized that it was lunch so Riley would probably have her phone, and would soon be headed to history anyways.

' _ **Hey, I think my water just broke. Please tell your dad and I'll tell Lucas.'**_ She writes, trying to keep the message as calm and formal as possible to keep Riley from freaking.

Her phone suddenly rang, a number she only could recognize as the school's, and assumed automatically that it was Cory on his class phone since he couldn't have his cell during work.

"Mr. Matthews?" She nervously answers, fear heavy in her voice.

" _Riley told me you think your water broke. Have you been having any contractions as well?" He asked, surprisingly calm for what was the beginning of a Cory Matthews freakout._

"I think between eleven and fifteen minutes apart. They're not very consistent, but they're there, and they're bordering painful." She bites her lip, breathing deeply to refrain from wanting to groan in discomfort. Another wave was building, and she wanted to let Cory get off the phone so she didn't start the 'Cory Matthews' classic freak out.

" _I'll let Topanga know, and one of us will come get you soon. Lie down Maya, you don't know how much sleep you'll actually need until you've been in labor for thirty-six hours."_

Maya grimaces at the thought of pain for that much longer and Cory, realizing that he wasn't being helpful, said goodbye and hung up. That when Maya decided to take his advice and prop her feet up, sipping from her water bottle and praying that they would subside, being only braxton hicks.

She wished that her daughter would cook a little longer, not because she was too little or undeveloped, in fact, Maya was almost six days late and was supposed to be induced that weekend. The Braxton Hicks were frustrating as all being and she wanted it over, but she knew she would regret her eagerness once labor actually came. But when that baby would be laid in her arms, she'd immediately forget the pain, the anticipation, and a new series of emotions would take over the old.

"I'm here! Get in the car!" Cory yelled nervously as he burst through the front door, startling Maya from her sleep.

Maya's hospital bag for herself and the baby were packed and on the kitchen table, ready for her sudden and timely arrival to the hospital. Little did she know that she was extremely under packed, despite the fact that Topanga had made her a list and made Maya double, even triple check it.

" _Mr. Matthews, the maternity wing is the other way."_ Maya had informed him, frustrated with the feeling that time was just getting slower and slower, everything a scary blur.

Maya and Cory reached the check-in desk minutes later, Maya stopping and leaning over the information pamphlets through another contraction, feeling as if the paperwork would never get done, until it did and a nurse came to escort her to her room. It was nothing like the dramatic movies, in fact everything was laid back as the nurses checked her and hooked her up to the rhythmic beeping of the heart rate monitors. It was all smooth sailing until her actual doctor came in to check her, six hours later.

"We're afraid that we're going to send you home. You've been here for six hours and your contractions aren't getting any closer, nor are you progressing." Dr. Jemaine informs her, watching the disheartened look take over her face.

" _But my water broke and there's a risk of infection._ " Maya had plead, hoping it will change her mind.

" _Your risk of infection is only a worry once your water has been broken for more than twenty-four hours. You have the mesh underwear I want you to continue to wear, but other than that, everything is checking out fine. Probably no baby today_." Dr. Jemaine had defended her decision, clear frustration washing over Maya.

Maya had thought it was the real deal. They told her that when she was in actual labor that the false or pre labor contractions couldn't match with real ones. The pain was different and couldn't compare, that she would know for sure when they were real because she couldn't talk through them. But driving to the hospital again, this time she felt was different than the ones earlier the first time they had headed out to the hospital . She could hardly yell at Mr. Matthews to drive faster because by the time she breathed out a sentence she was breathing through another contraction.

"Is Lucas on his way?" Cory asked, more concerned about his presence during the delivery than Maya.

As far as she was concerned, he had already done his part nine months ago and it wouldn't be the end of the world if he couldn't make it, even if he said he wanted to be there for her and the baby. Topanga was making it her best effort to get out of her meeting, Lucas was trying to still get ahold of his mom when he should have been taking a test, and Riley was just flat out a mess. None of them would know what was going to take place in the hours to come, just that there was going to be a baby, and it was probably going to be a worthwhile, long wait.

"How should I know? I'm. Busy. here." She snaps through gritted teeth, thrusting against the headrest of the passenger seat in pain.

"You know, you're a lot like Topanga was. She had this certain annoyed tone and evil look about her face- like that," He nods in approval at Maya's glassy, cold stare, then gasps. "Like that; Oh boy…" He shuts up, focusing back on the road.

Now as they arrived at the hospital and fought for a great parking spot on the ramp, Maya felt her pain intensify, visualizing that it was the frowny, flustered face with the teardrop on that large chart in her obgyn's office. It was now an easy twelve on the pain scale to ten, a weird pressure that bared down on her pelvis, as if she was trying to birth a bowling ball through a straw. Her pain was increased tenfold, and the fact that Mr. Matthews couldn't make up his mind where to park was making it worse.

"Mr. Matthews…" She warned through gritted teeth, noticing spotted blood between her legs.

"I know Maya, I'm hurrying up!" He reminds her, knowing that both of their patience was running thin.

"No, it's not that," She nervously glances around the car as they pull into a spot, "Give me your sweatshirt; I'm bleeding."

She holds a facade that had even Cory fooled, but was racing on the inside, praying that the baby wouldn't make her untimely appearance before they could get to the room. But then again, God had that sense of humor that Maya couldn't understand until later when she realized that she had stressed over nothing and that he had her all along. This time she was choosing to trust him, and climbed out of the car, into the wheelchair that Cory had pulled out of the corral.

"Get in, we don't need you having a baby in the streets, you waif." He winks, trying to lighten the mood.

Maya climbed in and breathed through a contraction as Cory pushed her inside, to the front desk, this time actually in the maternity ward. She was too busy focusing to hear any of their instructions until a nurse lifted her from the wheelchair, mumbling about how there was blood all over her sweatshirt and the seat. She was an older woman who had looked like she worked the night shift, mumbling and fussing over the chair as she went on with her lecture.

"We'll walk you down, and Lisa will get the chair cleaned up. Don't you worry hon, this stuff is natural." She heard the other nurse say as she looked up the hall, feeling a sudden, lengthy distance between her and the room down the corridor.

All of a sudden it happened, as if she had swallowed a bowling ball and it dropped into her canal, forcing its way through the tunnel to get to the light, full momentum. Maya grimaced and doubled over in pain, turning her knuckles white and hands clammy as she held onto Cory, trying not to fall onto the floor. Her mind was now working double time as she was racing to collect her thoughts but it was too late. The baby was coming and her mind and body were taking over, whether she was controlling it or not.

"Mr. Matthews, she's coming NOW!" She let out a shriek of pain and fear, catching the attention of several interns passing by, stopping to take note of this medical dilema.

"No! You stay in there, forever!" He yells to the baby, a full out "Cory Matthews" freakout.

Maya slowly lowers herself to the ground with the assistance of Cory and the nurse, obviously time not an object for her unborn child because she wasn't even willing to wait for Dr. Jemaine, the urge to push intense. So right there on that hospital floor, the blood covered linoleum, her baby was about to make an unforgettable entrance into the world whether they were ready or not.

"Your daughter is coming now, Maya, ready or not." The nurse tries to comfort her before turning to the interns, "Find Julie Jemaine." She demands, waving at them to flee immediately.

She found that there was a sudden flood of blue masked faces glaring over her and voices layered on top of each other. There was lots of noise and fuss but none of which she could make out what they were saying because she was concentrating too hard on the wellbeing of her unborn child. She feared that the baby would hit her head on the linoleum despite being surrounded by many nurses. It wasn't until Doctor Jemaine came and the interns and all but one nurse left that she started to feel the real anxiety because up until then she knew she had a team of support, but now that familiar faces were around her, she knew this was it. It was time to have the baby.

"Okay Maya, I'm gonna cradle your baby's head as she comes out, but I'm gonna need you to push for me."

"No!" She suddenly bursts out, looking around her in panic as if it would stop the labor. "Where's Riley and Topanga?" She begins to cry, realizing her "mom" and Riley weren't there.

"They're on their way; But the baby can't wait for them, we need you to push her out now. Any movement could result in her tangling up or hitting her head on the floor." Dr. Jemaine chastises her unintentionally.

Maya leans back, feeling Cory's warm hand interlock with hers while another holds her head off the cold floor and Maya pushes her chin against her chest as she takes a deep breath, distantly listening to Dr. Jemaine coach her through the birth.

Her uneasiness fades to determination, and anxiety to concentration as the only thing left for her to worry about or put her attention one hundred percent on was delivering her baby safely. All fears flew out the window and it was as if they were the only people in the room. No loud sirens wailing near the entrances, or busy doctors hurrying down the hall to the operating room with dying patients.

"We can see the head, push harder for us, sweetie." Dr. Jemaine coaches her, adjusting herself between Maya's legs to catch the baby as she came out.

Maya threw her head back in exhaustion and defeat, looking to Cory as she waited to see if he of course had something useful in that lesson filled head of his to give. Cory only smiled, reaching for her hand with his and cupping his other beneath her head, helping her lift her chin to her chest. It was all the encouragement she needed, knowing that Riley's family- her family was there, from the time she found out of the baby until now. This was all she needed and she couldn't possibly imagine it another way.

"One more push, Maya!" Dr. Jemaine encourages.

"Come on, shortstack!" She hears a voice cry from down the hall, watching as Lucas took long strides towards her.

Lucas knelt beside her, pushing back her matted hair and kissing her forehead as she lie back against Cory's hand and the pillow, tears pooling in her eyes. She hadn't expected him to show up on time but she was so glad he was there, despite everything they had been through. But after all, he was the father, and she wanted her daughter's life to start out with her father there. It was a good beginning to Lucas showing that he would always be there for them.

Topanga and Riley watched from down the hall, not wanting to crowd Maya, and soon were escorted down the hall and to the waiting room. Maya could hear Riley shouting something to her, but couldn't quite make it out. She was focused on getting this baby out, pain med-less and all. It was then that she heard the wail of a newborn break through the silence, and everything blurred as the tears broke free of her eyes and down her red cheeks. As the baby gasped for air, so did Maya for a breath of relief.

"She's here! We have our daughter, Maya!" She hears Lucas sob, an occurrence she had never seen before, and it startled her while simultaneously also warming her heart.

They placed the perfectly pink and plump baby on her chest, briskly rubbing her and then covering her with a blanket and hat that one of the nurses had brought. Before she could get to comfortable, a few nurses rolled out a hospital bed and Maya and the baby were separated, Maya being rolled onto a sheet and lifted into the bed, and her baby girl being taken to the NICU for observation.

"Good job, Maya Papaya." Cory ruffled her hair, smiling before they rolled her off to a room, Lucas holding her hand as he walked beside her.

Maya felt exhausted and overwhelmed as everyone moved in slow motion, chaotic noise around her, and she slowly blinked, trying to stay awake in all the excitement but was suddenly very weak. She couldn't figure out what was going on but she felt very sluggish and the world was slightly spinning.

"Lucas?" She croaked, struggling to focus on his gorgeous jaw line and seafoam eyes. "She looked like a Lettie, didn't she?" She offered a weak and content smile as she grabbed subconsciously for his hand again.

Lucas smiled and kissed her forehead, rubbing his thumb around the back of her hand in comfort as she faded off.

"She was beautiful; A downy coat of sandy brown hair, and I think she had your eyes." He dotes over her in reassurance.

"You're avoiding what I said; What do you think she looks like more? A Lettie, an Emma? Or maybe even an Eloise?" Maya worries, trying so desperately to make everything fall into place for once.

"They're gonna fix you up Maya. And when you come back, she'll be here and so will I, and we have the rest of our lives with our little girl. Her name is an important part of who she is and will be." Lucas reassures her again before she falls asleep.


	5. Welcome Back fight for what you love

**Laci's POV**

Tears flowed freely down my cheeks, the pain wracking every nerve in my body as I cursed myself for being too frightened to get an epidural. Every second when the pain would flow through me like an electric current, like an out of body experience, I would cry out in agony knowing deep down that even though it hurt, I'd want to remember it. Maybe not all of it, but the moment I met my son or daughter. The moment when his or her little face peeked out all rashy and red, searching for the source, the heartbeat they had listened to for the last nine months for comfort, for familiarity.

But every time I was overwhelmed with those emotions, the determination for not only the pain to be over but to see my child, I was reminded that the baby wasn't going to be mine to hold. That I felt I was just an incubator for another family's child. That chances were I'd never see him or her again and this would be only a past. And it was then that I would cry even harder, feeling the distant touch of Maya's comforting hand, or Topanga's wise words as not enough anymore. They hadn't an idea, they didn't know that I wasn't only crying in physical pain, but heart-wrenching pain.

"I can't do this; The baby will come and it's the last connection we'll have. They'll take him or her and I'll just lie here, exposed to the world, my body, my feelings! They'll be smitten with the baby and will forget to even look back at me, they won't care that I'm the one who birthed the baby, only that now they're a family and I'm just the girl."

"Lacy," Topanga coos, brushing back my matted hair as we wait for the next contraction. "This wasn't supposed to be easy. Be selfless doesn't always come easy, it's easy to want to think of ourselves. But you know what you did was right, that the baby will be happy, and cared for. That they will know their birth mom made this decision for them even though it wasn't easy for her. You acted out of love for this baby, and I can guarantee you even if you're not looking for a 'thank-you', that you'll know there's one."

My body shakes and my lips quiver, wanting to hold this baby in as long as I can cherish it, but I know as the contractions get closer and I become more irrational, more hysterical, that I need to change my frame of mind. My only focus is delivering this baby and before I knew it they'd be back in the room, telling me I could push. The parents would wait at the end of the bed, watching as he or she made their timely arrival. Topanga would hold my hand and Maya as well.

"Giving birth to a baby and then placing them in the hands of another woman, another family, is one of the hardest and most selfless things anyone could do. So as you give birth it's your time to be selfish, however you wanna do it as long as the baby is safe, but once she's here, it's about the baby." Maya reassures her, reading the anxiety in her eyes.

Maya was told that by Mr. Matthews once, she told me. But sometimes it didn't feel like she believed it because she kept her child. But I know this is what I want because as much as Maya would like to believe we were raised alike, we were not. She had a faux family that loved her, the Matthews' basically were her adoptive family.

I moved from home to home, to people that didn't want me or my siblings, but the check they would collect every month. No one would take in me or my baby. I couldn't take care of the baby myself. Maya had her baby daddy, Lucas, who seemed to have no intention of leaving anytime soon, and the Matthews' behind her. I loved being friends with Maya, I'm glad she's in my life, but she didn't get to compare experiences.

"Lacy, we're gonna check you now." A nurse interrupts my thoughts as Dr. Jaxson sits on her stool, pulling on her gloves and instructing me to scoot down.

It immediately clicked that something wasn't right. Dr. Jaxson's eyes grew wide and she looked to her assistant, gesturing for her to bend down in order to whisper in her ear. It felt like an eternity before her eyes locked with mine and she smiled half-heartedly, pretending that nothing was wrong in order not to worry me.

"Well Lacy, you're not fully dilated. However, it's not the head we feel; The baby is coming feet first. And if we try to deliver the cord could tangle around his or her neck and we don't want to cause them distress."

She turned to her assistant as she tossed her gloves in the garbage in frustration, trying not to give away that she was irritated with her intern. I overheard her whispering how it was possible that it wasn't caught sooner and if the intern had truly been checking me, and if she knew what she was doing.

"It doesn't look like he or she is in distress; The heart rate looks normal and strong, so if you want to take your chances and deliver, we can wait to see if he or she flips, or try things to get them to move." She suggest, not sounding too sure in herself.

It was then that I was feeling frustrated, tired and overwhelmed from labor and everyone constantly coming in and out of my room all night, checking me and asking me questions, the constant touching too. My toes curled in pain as the contractions grew stronger and with my permission Dr. Jaxson laid her hands around my stomach. It wasn't until she started trying to rotate the baby that I began to believe this was the most painful experience of my life. When she was finally finished I still couldn't relax, but the baby seemed to be making progress again.

When she was fully confident that my contractions stopped she shook her head, and my lips began to quiver, my hands trembling around Topanga's as we listened tentatively. My heart shattered and began to grow fearful as I heard what I hopped not to: _C-section._

I hadn't wanted to epidural or surgery, but now I might be getting both. The stitching up downstairs scared me the most about natural birth, but to have a giant scar that would forever remind me of my teen pregnancy. My heart was broken.

"No, we can't. We've gotta wait it out." I snapped, quickly cutting her off.

"Lacy," Topanga squeezes my hand tighter. "No matter how you give birth, it doesn't make you less of a mother, let alone less of a woman! No matter how you do it, it's amazing, it's hardcore, it's difficult, it's butt-kicking! You can do this mama!" She tries to encourage, clear tiredness in her eyes.

It's not just that and I sigh. I don't want to be reminded of the day I had to give my baby up every time I looked in a mirror. I didn't want to feel the same guilt I felt this entire pregnancy, but the confidence that I began to accept that what I was doing was good, was right, was selfless.

"I don't want to be reminded with a big old scar how this day went wrong. It's already difficult enough that I'm putting them up for adoption, but do I need this painful reminder, one that may make me regret my decision every time I look in my mirror? I don't want doubts." I explain, tears piercing my eyes and rolling down my face faster.

Topanga laughs and I can't tell if it was comforting, reassuring, or none of the above. She clearly wasn't laughing because it was funny, but that I was clueless. At least that's how I felt she was thinking.

"Lacy, what you're doing is incredibly selfless, brave, and even if you don't have a c-section scar is hardcore. Why wouldn't you want to be reminded of the time you put yourself last and not only completed someone's family, but a little girl's or boy's life as well? This isn't something you should pretend didn't happen, but something you can grow from, maybe eventually come to terms with, and maybe in time, will be proud of. You are incredibly brave, my love." Topanga finishes, kissing me on my sweaty forehead.

I wasn't sure I'd ever want to be reminded of this because I was worried the kid would resent me. I knew deep down my decision was the best for the baby, myself, and my sisters. It was our best chance of finding our forever family, and I wanted the baby to have that too. I didn't want them to bounce from home to home when I couldn't take care of them, or leave my sisters and struggle to take care of just the two of us alone. This was my decision, the one I believed was right, the one I'm going to go through with.

"Okay, if worse comes to worse, for the baby's safety and mine, we'll do the c-section." I agree, receiving relieved smiles from my doctor and Topanga.

 ***Three days after Lettie's birth***

Lucas was smitten with his little girl, though he really couldn't tell if Maya was too because he was so focused on his fatherly duties. He spent the days in the hospital taking advantage of the learning experiences so he could help Maya as much as he could while she was taking online classes or just catching up on some well needed rest.

Maya groaned as she pulled up her mesh underwear and giant maxi pad, feeling the grossest she had the entire pregnancy. Her boobs were tired from cluster feeding, each time growing more frustrated that her body wasn't doing what it was made to do. She felt sweaty, and her legs still felt kind of numb from lying in bed, though she was now up and walking, getting ready to leave the hospital.

"Hey there, beautiful." Lucas cawed at the site of her, her messy hair in a bun on top of her head and her face in a permanent frown.

"Shut up, Huckleberry." She snapped, and not in her usual playful tone.

She sat on the edge of her bed, rubbing Lettie's stomach as Lucas changed her. Riley sat in the corner of the room, Maya's bag on her arm and car keys in hand. Topanga and Cory couldn't come to take them home but had helped install the carseat the night before. Maya was checked out and ready to go, everything fine after her complicated birth. She had lost some blood but after an IV drip and some transfusions, she was ready to go. Or at least, felt somewhat functional.

Lettie began to cry as Lucas buttoned up her onesie and pulled up her leggings. He slipped on the hat the hospital had provided and attempted to swaddle her. She cried harder and Maya swooped in, snatching her from Lucas and bouncing her in her arms.

Maya's stomach was still enlarged, though it looked as if she was still very pregnant. Her face and feet were swollen and her abs were sore. She felt like if she couldn't control how her once very petite body looked she could at least take control of Lettie if Lucas couldn't.

She knew it wasn't the best for their relationship for her to be so controlling, after all Lucas was the dad and should be involved in the decisions and take care of the baby too. But in the moment all she wanted was to be selfish, to hold Lettie to herself because the soft skin and sweet smell of her baby reminded her it wasn't easy getting her there, and wasn't going to be easy moving on, but everything was going to be okay.

"Are you guys ready?" Riley asks as Maya finished buckling Lettie in, and the nurse rolls in a wheelchair.

Maya shimmies herself slowly into the wheelchair with her bags, Lucas carrying Lettie on his big, muscular arms. The sight of him with an itty bitty baby melted her heart and she softened a bit, wishing that her phone hadn't died so she could keep this moment forever, but somehow she knew she wouldn't forget.

Maya slightly grew fearful as they climbed into the van, double checking, then triple checking the car seat base and the actual car seat. Riley sat up front beside Lucas, looking in the rearview mirror at her best friend. It was crazy how much could change in a year, and she secretly prayed that it would only impact their friendship for the better. She hoped Maya wouldn't be afraid to lean on her and others more, and wouldn't shut them all out. Little did she know that she and Lucas' relationship would be the one to grow and get stronger as they took care of Lettie while Maya was at work and with Lacy.

"So, since I'm the godmother," Riley began to tease, waiting for them to disagree but they don't. "Are you going to tell me how you decided on giving her my middle name." Riley was now grinning, waiting for the others to continue breaking the awkward silence.

"You want us to tell you why you're so important to us, that we gave our child your middle name? You want us to gloat about you?" Lucas inferred and he and Maya exchanged smiles in the mirror.

"We basically just liked how her name flowed together; Lucas didn't even know it was your middle name." Maya laughs. "And we wanted it to have some meaning, so of course we went with Louise. You guys have always been family and I want my daughter to feel apart of that."

Maya immediately knew it was the hormones when she started crying, and Lettie followed. Of course Maya still was touched by the Matthews' hospitality, their acceptance, everything, but she didn't want to take advantage of that and knew she had to move out soon.

She just didn't know how to move out and still have the Matthews know she appreciated everything. But she also didn't want to struggle and knew she needed all the help she could get. She and Lucas weren't together anymore, she and Riley were in a little better of a place than they were nine months ago, but nothing was perfect. It was the calm before the storm, she saw the sky getting gray in the distance, but she was expecting a hurricane. Especially since there was more to the story than Riley actually knew.

 **-XXX-**

Maya had a rough first month; Not like the few days in the hospital where she had nurses coming in and out to check her and the baby. Where she had a nurse pushing on her distended stomach which was now squishy after birth. She referred to it almost as a waterbed, it squished and rolled like there were waves on her insides, but it hurt a lot more!

They provided a squirt bottle that had a godsent, a heavenly cleanser (even though it was just water) that soothed her sore nether regions as she went to the bathroom. This was not at all what she had anticipated. She just expected it to be like a long, heavy period where she would pass all the clots and lining she had inside her for nine months. She read that eating her placenta could help with the symptoms of postpartum depression, and maybe even the period. But what was the worst of it all was as her uterus was shrinking from birth and her stitches healing, she had contractions still.

She thought they ended after the birth of the baby, and had even heard recovery is even faster after a natural birth, but for her, it was the most miserable night, and following six weeks of her life.

She fed Lettie on the couch of the Matthews' house that night, trying to make sure she was full, changed, and completely relaxed for bed. She slept all day and fed every two and a half hours. This felt as if it were her new normal, and she hadn't expected that night to be any different.

"You have to rest when she rests, Maya; Otherwise, you'll never rest." Topanga informs her with her motherly advice.

"I can't sleep because when she's sleeping I sit up worrying, 'what if she rolls over and suffocates?' or if she's too cold or warm?'. It feels impossible to ever sleep, day or night."

"Maya, it's not good for either of your health to not sleep. It takes time but she'll get there. She's just used to sleeping during the day." Topanga reassures her, rubbing her back as Lettie shifts under the blanket.

Babies sleep in the womb, because when the mother is up and moving it simulates a rocking motion and it helps the baby sleep. When you're sleeping or sitting, that's usually when the baby is most active and awake. Topanga had read that in a baby book she had passed down to Maya, but Topanga knew that the young girl had only skipped and skimmed through certain sections. Maya hadn't liked to ask questions, her doctor appointment often awkward and squeamish.

It was now two in the morning, and Maya had been up every one and a half to two hours since going to bed at eight. She was exhausted, a zombie, and she felt anxious, overtired, and frustrated. She began to cry as she trudged from one end of Riley's room to the other. Riley had offered to sleep in the bay window in the living room so that she wasn't too tired to finish her junior year.

This had hit her like a train: She hadn't slept since she was six and a half months pregnant. Her breaths felt shallow, her heart raced, her panic bubbled up. She didn't know how she could possibly do this for the next few months, and once this stage was over there would only be more to come. She dreaded sickness and teething, she dreaded all the bad, but at the end of the day she knew she would love this human being she was raising to be a grateful, loving, member of society one day. Someone's best friend, sibling, wife. This was her new normal, and she hadn't expected that night to be any different than the normal.

She wanted Lettie to positively see the world and face all its problems head on as the Matthews had taught her. And most of all, she wanted Lucas to be her father figure, a man that she one day aspired her own husband to be like, and example of what good guys were actually like.

"Lettie-bug, lovey-buttons, why won't you sleep?" Maya sighed as she tried to calm her down, afraid to wake the others.

Lettie cried and cooed, she instinctively searched for milk as if she was still hungry, even though Maya had tried to feed her half and hour ago. She was beginning to cluster feed, because apparently she wasn't getting enough milk in the first place. Maya worried that her supply was drying up, or simply wasn't making enough, and couldn't wait for her one month appointment so her fears could be assuaged.

She heard a sudden thump, then saw a figure jerk and twist as its boot shaped feets entered through the window with the rest of its body. It scared Maya at first, feeling sudden defense and protection over her baby, then relief as he came towards her, resting his hands on her shoulder.

"She's got your nose, you know. And those cheeks! The ones that puff out when you're thinking or frustrated, and her lips curl like yours. She's definitely got my eyes though, and the downy coat of sandy hair is mine too." He remarked as he doted over her.

Maya smiled up at him behind her, before she began to chasten him.

"Lucas Friar! Why on earth are you sneaking through the bay window at this time of night?" She angrily whispered.

"Because the front door was locked and I didn't want to wake anyone." He replied, as if it were obvious and she laughed. "Anyways, I thought you could use some help."

Maya had initially thought about moving in with Lucas, but the idea was obviously shut down by the parents. She was already pregnant but I guess they didn't want to encourage anything, or be enablers to their problems. So Lucas and Maya thought about sharing custody, and again they thought it sounded ridiculous. They saw each other so often and lived so close that they would co-parent and not have set days. The first few months Lettie would stay with Maya at the Matthews, but Lucas could come over anytime since he was the dad. And on days Maya really wanted a break Lucas would come over and take Lettie for a walk, or to his parents.

Maya and Lucas thought it was great, that they could share her kind of like co-parenting a dog. But Lucas' parents hated the idea and so did the Matthews' at first. Lucas' mom, Annie Friar, decided instead that they had a guest room and offered it to Maya for a small price of rent each month. They agreed that it would teach them financial responsibility, and give the Matthews more room at their place. So Maya and Lucas started to put away money, and figured by the time Lettie was a year they could move in.

But after the baby came they forgot all their plans, unprepared and never spoken of again, and they were back to square one. Lucas came over on the daily after school, checking on Maya and Lettie. Maya was also trying to finish up her school work and was set and determined to finish all of her Junior year projects at the end of August, at least a few weeks before Senior year started, so she wasn't behind. She knew finishing school would no longer be easy, but she could do it.

Her principal told her she could walk with the rest of her class at graduation, and then receive her actual diploma when she finished her online classes and projects in summer school. She was determined to finish in late July, and she believe with gratefulness of everyone's help in her heart, that she could do it. She longed to make her mother, Lucas, Riley, everyone proud, and do this for her little girl.

"How's school going?" She asked in attempt to make quiet conversation, losing her mind from being around an infant all day.

"I met someone; A girl." Lucas smiles, a stupid grin plastered on his face. "We've been together for quite awhile, but everything got so busy near the end of your pregnancy, I didn't want to pester you with it."

"Oh." Maya replies nonchalantly, trying not to feel uncomfortable, or give away that she was kind of disappointed. They hadn't discussed dating other people, especially as parents.

"Is she good to you?" Maya asked, it being all she really cared about; Lucas' happiness.

"She's great," He began.

"Oh." Maya sighed again.

"But she wasn't you." He added kindly, disappointment in his voice. "She didn't have the heart the size of Texas, she didn't have the love as deep as the Grand Canyon. She didn't care that I was from Texas or that I loved my friends above everything, that you guys came first."

"You idiot! In a relationship, she should always come first! You have an agreement that you both have friends, and it's okay to have space, but you should never put us ahead of your happiness."

"You're wrong. Family always comes first, and that's what you are. We're family now, you and I, Lettie. Riley and the Matthews are your family. The one thing she didn't want. The strings I came attached with; My family. She didn't want you guys."

His big, stupid, love stricken grin stayed plastered on his face, and Maya wanted to simultaneously smack it off and kiss it at the same time. He had given up a girl he had thought he loved, simply because she wasn't willing to accept him for who he was, mistakes and all.

But what she called a 'mistake' Lucas saw as an actual blessing. The unplanned pregnancy and his daughter, all of it. He had it all and wanted to share his life with someone, but she didn't want to be a part of it. At first he hadn't forced it because it was a lot to take in, but when he started to think there was something there, he wanted to introduce her and she had declined.

It all had been a stupid high school crush and he felt like it was too much to force on a girl, and she had run for the hills. After all, they were only teens, but Lucas had felt like he was more mature, and they were at different stages of their lives. He felt like an idiot.

"All I did was ask her to meet you, and she said it would be too much. That she didn't want these complicated ties, that she only wanted me."

He had hurt in his eyes, looking as if he really had cared for the girls, but then just as she thought he would go on and she would feel worse, what he had to say next made her feel better. Certain that he was the right man for this job.

"And I'm not just 'me' anymore, Maya, I'm someone's daddy, I'm providing for someone I love and would do anything for, and she doesn't see it like that. She's still only a teen, but you and I were forced to grow up. Life changes in a heartbeat, Maya. But the only thing I'm still sure of is you."

Maya felt her heart stop, the already quiet room feeling impossibly quieter, as if someone had vacuumed out all of the air out of the room. Lettie was now sleeping in her arms, her breathing quiet compared to Maya's, whos now was shallow, a lump in her throat.

"Lucas, do what makes you happy, not what feels right."

"You and Lettie are what makes me happy. Not just being a father, but someone's potential husband, not just a date to pass the time."

Maya smiled to herself in realization before laughing, much to Lucas' dismay. It had not been the reaction he had been expecting, he had wanted to sweep her off her feet, but instead he had gotten condescending laughter.

"You think we're supposed to be together, I get it. You and I had a kid and now we're supposed to fall in love because you feel obligated to be with the girl you got pregnant, right?" She smirks.

"I think we're supposed to be together because you're the one I want a future with! I want to be a potential husband to someone I love, not just someone to pass the time or that I have to be with! I want a great love story!" He defends himself unconvincingly.

"And that girl is Riley! I mean, she's perfect Lucas! She loves you for you, mistakes and all, and doesn't care about the baggage or that you have a kid with her best friend! I deserve to have been thrown out for being with you, for Riley to turn her back out of anger, but instead she just blesses us with more undeserved forgiveness. It's overwhelmingly irritating and amazing at the same time. And she gets hurt time and time again from others for it."

Maya ranted until she was blue in the face, but the one thing she knew deep down is that Riley loved Lucas. And Maya didn't deserve to have been forgiven for hurting her, but the one thing she needed to do other than apologize, is ask her how she really felt. Consider how Riley really felt, not just said she did after forgiving Maya.

She knew Riley loved Lucas but would give him up for Maya. Maya didn't want that though and sent Lucas to her, knowing that Riley would be reluctant. She wanted to end this love triangle, not just for her daughter, but to salvage their friendship. Maya knew she cared for Lucas, but didn't want to be with him just because she felt like it was mandatory. She wanted more for him, for Lucas to be with Riley whom he really loved, not just his baby momma.

"Lucas, go tell Riley how you really feel, and I'm going to do the same. Be with someone you want to be with, not someone you feel like you're obligated to. Go fight for her, it's a grand gesture that's so simple. But stop telling yourself you love me when we both know you're supposed to be with Riley."

"Maya," He began to plea.

"Lucas, I believe that the person you really wanted to see tonight, the one you can't stop thinking about it Riley! I'm not your girl Friar, I'm not the right girl that you can build a future with. I'm a Hart! I'm messy, I'm selfish most times, and most certainly am not your 'wife material'."

"And we're back to the love triangle again." He sighs. "Maya, you don't give yourself enough credit. You're extremely caring, and selfless. You will make a great wife someday."

"But not to you, Lucas. I'm sorry." She smiled wholeheartedly, seeing Lucas' face relax as he began to see what she was saying.

"Now, go! Stop protesting and lying to yourself, and go talk to Riley. I'm not saying you've gotta get her to be your girlfriend, but go talk to her!" Maya demands, watching the startled look on his sheepish face.

Lucas nods and kisses Maya on top of the head then Lettie, before crawling through the window. Maya hears the curtains flap in the wind and the window close behind him, feeling the cool breeze of the spring night. She had a new life, she couldn't go back, but at least with how things were now, she could start over, start fresh. And it started with forgiveness.


End file.
